Taking the Bad with the Good

A few mornings past I woke to the beauty of falling snow... and the SCREAMING of my 17-month-old. Talk about an inner conflict. Have you ever tried to meditate on beauty and peace while someone shrieking in the background? It's a real "Zen" exercise - if I believed in all that.

That is the essence of the Taylor world these days... choosing joy in the midst of chaos. :) Our friends told us 3 was "critical mass" (yes that is a direct quote), but, as with having your first child, there's really no understanding until you've experienced it. And I write this laughingly, because you have to laugh. 

~The joy of Christmas music wafts over the tornado fallout that is my kitchen, and dining room, AND living room...

~The excitement of leaving the house overpowers the incessant wailing of my infant who hates his car seat, as did his brothers before him. (I'd buy a new one, but at this point?...)

~PBS kids buys me time to feed the baby without fearing the older ones will end up broken or bloody, and yet places their long term behavior in question.

It's a lot more like juggling now. And I'm laughing because I've always been PATHETIC at juggling. :) Dusty's really good at it (what is he NOT good at?). 

Still, as the snow fell again last night, I found myself in the Winco parking lot singing, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" loudly enough for people to notice. :) In it all, there is an underlying peace - a confidence in the One who has redeemed me - that He sees it all and will give me/us the tools we need to endure and navigate the tough moments :) And, yes, I know those of you with 4plus or who've had twins are laughing at me and shaking your heads :) And then there's that lady who is expecting her 18th? OMword!

 

"Third Times a Charm"

***WARNING!!!*** This blog contains info about labor and/or delivery. :) Feel free to skip if you think you'll have a TMI reaction.

I really wondered if he'd ever come. All 3 of our boys have been "late," but I was SO huge with this one, it stopped being blissful at about 30 weeks :).

We had set an appointment to induce Monday, November 17th. Due to expense and other factors, though, a troupe of friends and I were praying we'd "go" on our own. Dusty and his team (LOL) were also praying we wouldn't "go" on Saturday, being as every meeting is a milestone for our very young church plant.

Well, he decided to show up in PERFECT timing... trying to make everyone happy, sweet boy.

Contractions started at 5:38 Sunday morning. By contraction #4 we had gone from 7 minutes apart to 2! 

"Dusty, it's time to go."

"Should we call the hospital?"

"You can, but I'm going regardless of what they say."

So, we called them on the way :). It's funny how quickly the tone changes from "assessment" to "business" once they find out this ISN'T your first.

Upstairs, went like this:

"Umm, we need to move her to delivery."

"She's not finished admitting yet."

"Well, she's at an 8-9, we'll have to finish the process there."

I've never wanted to be mean or rude or yell at my husband during this time, so I always pray God will give me an extra measure of grace. It's funny how you can want to put your head through a wall one minute, and feel so completely euphoric, even humorous the second the pain's gone. Given as the contractions were every 2 minutes, I felt a little like Jekyll and Hyde.

Still, God gave me grace. I did really want to break my husband's thumb... not to hurt him, per se, breaking something just seemed like it would help. Dusty disagreed :)

The doctor on call wanted to break the water. But Nancy (SUPER NURSE EXTRAORDINAIRE) literally stepped in front of him and said, "Let's wait for her intrathecal." Gotta love Nancy. If you don't know, an intrathecal is a shot they administer similar to the epidural, but it only lasts for a couple hours. Being as we were so close to delivery and an epidural takes 30 minutes or so to set up, Nancy thought it wise to go this route. AND, I think it's probably less expensive too... did I mention we LOVE Nancy? So, George gave me my shot and the pain went away almost immediately. LOVE George too. 

Just then my real doctor got there - LOVE her too. They broke the water, we pushed for "less than 20 minutes" Dusty says. And our 3rd little man was born!

He was 10 lbs 11 oz. - none of us believed it. The nurse even reset the scale to be sure :)

He was 23 inches long. That's the biggest baby on my side of the family. Dusty still holds the record on his side, having been 11 lbs 25 inches! :) And I gladly leave that trophy in his mother's very worthy hands. I'm pretty sure she did it withOUT pain meds too. CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE!

They also told us, our new baby had a KNOT in his cord. They all seemed surprised and not many had seen one. I guess it means he moved around a lot - enough to swim through his own cord at some point. 

So, in less than 3 hours we went from a family of 4 to a family of 5! What a blessing. Dusty and I marveled at how tired we WEREN'T that first day. So many prayers were answered, so many details worked out. And I wonder why I ever question, why I ever fear. This is definitely one of those "ebenezer" moments in my life. "Look what God did here."

Most of you know this little man was a surprise for us. One that I often questioned God on - not the precious life, but the timing. And his birth alone has already begun the answer... not that we deserve one... but in accordance, we named him Dezdin Nathaniel. Dezdin is our concoction of a masculine form of "destiny" and Nathaniel means "given of God." All our children, to me, have held a purpose and message from God. Dezdin was completely God's idea... so I'm especially excited to see what other surprises God unfolds through him. Thank you for all your prayers. They were answered. We are very blessed.

Waiting!!!

Pics from Halloween.

Yah. We were a ref and a basketball. Gotta get creative with a belly like this!

My friend Lisa borrowed us her little guy's costume from last year. Draes was SO cute. Dax wanted to be an astronaut, but we just couldn't find all the stuff. So we bought a really cool pirate sword, and luckily he's so skinny, he still fit his costume from 2 years ago! Way to be flexible, bud!

Sorry - more Drae - just SO DARN CUTE!

They say we spend a good chunk of our lives doing it...  in line, at the gas pump, in traffic. Some of us plan our entire day based on the desire to AVOID waiting.

Everyone I know is waiting for something right now: the house to get finished, that job to come through, the paycheck to show up, the economy to change.

Me? I'm waiting for this KID to show up! :) Don't get me wrong... I know it won't get easier AFTER the baby arrives. I'm just starting to fear the permanent damage done to my overextended nerves and tissue if we go much longer. (I know, ever the drama queen.) 

It gets frustrating. We tend to "cop" attitudes. "Don't you know I have more important things to do than WAIT here for you?" But the other day I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the fact that we often KNOW God has a plan in things, but it's difficult to WAIT for it to be revealed. And she said this, "[I'm] discovering that it really isn't about me understanding; it's really just about being obedient." "SO GOOD!" I thought, even though I still want my way :).

But it's true. How often do I as a parent make my child wait? Do I give him candy, or that toy or movie, or a Mt. Dew, or a trip to McDonalds, or ice cream just because he WANTS it? (OK, once in awhile when it's been that kind of day) Not usually. Most of the time he needs to wait, indefinitely. Why? Because I can see down the road 15 years (or when I look in the mirror) the thousands of dollars spent on tooth decay, or the unstable financial future based in instant gratification.  

So why do WE have to wait? Once in awhile it's about someone else's negligence, and that can be properly addressed. But, isn't it true we often learn the most in the waiting, if we will press into it? After talking with my friend I started thinking along that line and seeing all the beauty of these precious days... waiting.

1. More time to focus on my baby, Draes (16 months) - who's about to NOT be the baby and will probably have a REALLY tough time in that transition. I'm getting to love on him and tell him what a treasure he is to me. That he will always be my baby - even if not THE baby.

2. Helping out my husband - who's doing the toughest, most rewarding job ever. I can't do it all now, but I can do some, and that will halt when Jr. shows up.

3. Sleeping well... oh alright not really "well" but more than I will be for the next few months! :)

4. Draes managed to incur 2nd degree burns (hands/gas fireplace), nearly crack his head on the tile floor, AND get the "throw up sickies" all within a week's time. Not something so easily handled with a brand new infant on your hands!

There are so many little things that make this a precious time of preparation, in my heart, my mind. Life will NEVER be this way again! So, while I'm uncomfortable (and genuinely afraid I could split at the seams) I'm reveling in this time - taking mental snapshots. Waiting, if we'll let it, can be such a precious time of rest and trusting God - who knows SO much more than we do - including the PERFECT time at which to reveal what He was thinking all along. 

Yesterday Draes crawled up in the chair next to me and just sat. No request, no agenda. He just wanted to be present with me. It was precious and bittersweet (sorry, hormonal mom thing).

The timing of this baby has never seemed logical, and for that reason I believe it will be all the more indicative of God and His power and presence. The anticipation of that, and the beauty of the reality He's already placed me in brings a joy and a peace. It's been a time to just crawl up next to God and be present with Him. No purpose other than to just "be." 

I don't know what you're waiting on. But maybe time is standing still because God wants you to "just be" with Him. Perhaps He knows that once this change comes, things will never be the same again. Maybe he wants to remind you of His love before the world starts running like crazy again. I don't know, but I pray you find joy in your waiting. :)

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

Happy Autumn!

Welcome, my favorite season of the year! I've always loved fall. I like the crisp, cold air - how fresh it makes everything feel. I like to cozy up in sweaters and fleece and light fires or drink tea. Things seem to calm down, get reflective. I'm pretty deep and analytical...ok diseasedly so. (Yes, I just made up the word "diseasedly".) So, colder days seem to create the perfect environment for my mind. The trees are BEAUTIFUL!!!! I can't believe all the shades of deep crimson and pumpkin and gold. Oh how I've missed the seasons! 

There's something, too, about dressing the boys in jeans and long sleeves. They're like fuzzy teddy bears. Though they don't necessarily add to the "calm" aura of the season :) They're more like the frolicking wind. Hee hee. But they still add to the joy, and it's fun to experience it anew with them. Dusty loves cloudy days, so when they roll in, we all just bask in the feel of harvest time.

All is moving along. Connections has started meeting in a facility, which is fun. We're still meeting and connecting with new people all the time. New friends! ALWAYS fun! We're getting closer to baby number 3. And while I do have apprehension (i.e. watching supernanny, weeping and thinking, "HOW am I going to mother THREE KIDS?"), I'm also excited to hold a tiny one again and be finished with the "incubation" stage.

It's funny autumn is so inspiring to me, as it's actually a prelude to death, in a sense. All of nature puts on her most beautiful gown and dances into sleep. Freezing under winter. In a way, I suppose it's symbolic to me of a time to shed old things. To cherish them for the beauty of what they were, then lay them to rest, knowing after the winter, new life will come forth (I like spring too :)). Seasons are such a reminder that in life, things never remain constant. There is always new to come, if we're willing to see and embrace it. 

We pray you are finding days of peace this season... even with all the chaos in our society right now - God is sovereign. May you find moments to be thankful for what you do have, especially ones you love. :) Happy Autumn from the Taylors :)

Pride and Joy

I know, you're not suppose to brag on your own kids. Why? Cuz everybody else wants to brag on theirs. I know, I know. So I'll make you a deal... You start a blog and brag on your kids ALL you want - and I'll do the same. Deal? Wait. Already did. 

A person's pride and joy can refer to about anything. Mine happens to be my kids. The pride comes in those moments when they shine: using the manners you've drilled, ad nauseam, or they perform some selfless act, completely of their own volition.

This week, Dax has been a gem. He's pushed his brother on the swing, lovingly instructed him, helped me unload the dishwasher... and the other day at Target, he was helping me load the bags into the car. An older woman walking by said, "Wow! You really have a great helper there!" I agreed and thanked her. I was SO proud. He's four! He could have been demanding candy or running in the parking lot (both of which he has at times), but in that moment, he was doing what we're raising him to do - and I was proud of him, proud FOR him. 

The joy comes, I think, in those moments when they not only make the "not best" choice, but a choice you'd never have DREAMED of. You have to laugh, to snap your mental camera, or you'll cry, or something worse. 

A friend came to see us today. The boys were NUTS; I sent them upstairs to play so we could have an "adult" conversation. It got eerily quiet, but I ignored my instincts and thought, "Oh Dax is up there, he won't let Draes do anything serious." (Usually he's instant with the "HELP Mommy, Draes is..."). About 10 minutes later Dax materialized in front of me, "Look, Mommy," he beamed, and produced from his shirt sleeve a little hand, covered ENTIRELY in GREEN marker. Mustering my most encouraging mommy-ness, I said. "Oh honey, that's very creative, but we don't really draw on our hands. You need to go wash in the bathroom until that's all clean." "Ok, he smiled." And was gone. About 2 minutes later, Dusty came down with Draes. "Look what I have," he baited. I looked up to see my 15-month-old PAINTED! Yes! Dots, squiggles, green, purple - all over his face! 

No big deal, truthfully, because some wonderful person invented washable markers, so, we're good. The clothes, the skin, the floor... it'll all clean up. In that instant, I could not help but laugh in joy at the mental image of Dax, oh-so-quietly decorating his brother. He must have been giddy! Can you fathom the wonder in the heart and mind of a child? Yes, we talked about how it's not wise to paint our brother, but it felt SO good not to take it too seriously. 

There are days they push my buttons so fully, that once they're in bed, I can only muster energy to sit and stare into space :) (and yes, 3 may turn my brain to COMPLETE mush), but far outweighing those times  are the moments of pride, when they bless me by putting others first and the moments of joy that come from their giddy, wild imperfection and the creativity it pours into my... sometimes-too-neat perspective. 

I know God gave them to us to raise, yet I can't help but feel He uses them to raise me a little bit too.

A baby and a box of animal crackers...

Happy with his crackers...

Daddy? Will you open this one?

Who knows what drives the mind of a 14-month-old? Could be instinct or actual need, desire to emulate... but in this case, I think it was merely "because I can."

I had bought a box of animal crackers at Sam's - you know the huge supply, with the individual bags? A busy mom's dream, right? And I placed them on the bottom shelf of the pantry. I guess at that point in my experience I was yet underestimating Draes's LOVE for food, especially of the "carb kind."

As soon as he discovered what they were, AND that he could get them all by himself, my dream became one of those annoying loops you can't escape. Draes would bring me a bag and say "euh?" (his sweet version of please). But sweet went out the window when, once the bag was opened, he would run to the pantry for another. And if you were a dope and tried to explain to him that he already had an opened bag, his heart broke in front of you and he sobbed as he tried to make clear his request. OBVIOUSLY, you hadn't understood him correctly.

Boy I'm glad that box is now empty! But the experience left me with a spiritual insight, especially in this time of our country's financial struggle. How often do I come to God with my "bag of animal crackers" begging Him to give me what I ask? And, when He does provide, do I show my gratitude and find joy in what He's given me? Or do I sprint back to the "pantry" and fretfully bring Him my next "need," weeping hysterically if/when He doesn't immediately comply?

I've begun to ask myself that question too... what is "need"? Two weeks ago there was a fire in the field very near our house. The police evacuated the subdivision behind us; so, as my infant lay sleeping, I threw together a bag of necessities just in case the wind continued to shift and they couldn't control blaze. It was sobering as I watched the fire and saw families standing, embracing one another outside their homes. If we were to lose our house, what would we NEED? What holds greatest importance? 

What about the families in Galveston and other parts of Texas who have lost everything? What is "need" to them? Are they grieving because they can't afford that new car, or have to cut their grocery budget? Or are they simply glad to be alive and hoping they have enough food and clothing to cover their families?

I'm not making any statements, just asking lots of questions, and allowing my perspective to change... funny isn't it? What you can learn from a baby and a box of animal crackers?

Some new pics...

See that look of pride! :) He climbs on whatever he can.  We took the bottom rung off the ladder after this. Skull fracture? None for me, thanks! BOY is he mad at us!

Draes brought me his brother's shirt, which he wanted to put on. Then he brought his own pj pants, but he already had shorts on, so we put them on his head. It was reminiscent of Jar Jar Binks... only cuter :)

Such a great Dad! 

Apologies...

I apologize it's been a little while since I've posted. I like to include pics of the boys (cuz I know most of my readers are most interested in those ;), and I seem to have put my cord in a "safe place.

So, I'll just let you know the latest and get to the pics as soon as I find it.

Hmmm... youngest first - at his last visit, Draes was in the 60% for his weight and 30% for his height. I think he's just taking a breather from being so huge when he was born. His doctor assures me a more accurate assessment of his final size will be around 2 years. I'm not worried. He eats like a tank... and pretty much "drives" like one too. His latest adventure is to climb on everything he can reach. I turned around yesterday to see him STANDING on the rocking horse. Of course he just smiles. He's decided he wants to walk down the stairs like his brother, and fights me when I force him onto his stomach. I'm sure it seems like I'm holding him back, but catching your son as he ROLLS and BOUNCES down 15 feet is neither easy nor amusing. Still, with all that and the impending emergency room visits, he's such an easy boy. Everyone is his buddy - he slaps them on the knee and laughs like they've told a joke! And no matter what the rest of us are doing, he'll often be found occupying himself elsewhere with whatever interests him.

Daxton is quite ready to be 5. He's a great help with Draes, even rushing to the stairs to model for him how to "go down like this." And I think we're starting to grow bored of knocking brother down just because we're stronger. Now most days are spent with Dax acting out his antics and Draes LAUGHING in hysterics. Drae loves to laugh; Dax loves an audience. It works out QUITE well :) Dax is also really into counting lately - a cue to mom to start some math work, probably... gotta get on that. He'll combine numbers and want to know how to say 123,456,789. He's always either impressed or skeptical that I'm pulling his leg. And his sincerity never fails. We were talking one night about having God in our lives. I was explaining some to him, but we really want him to understand it's more than just a prayer, so I was probably too adult in my verbage. Anyway, I told him if we believe in Jesus we can pray and tell God we believe and want him in our lives. He said a little prayer and then turned to me, "Mom, it's not working." I laughed, of course. It's kind of nice to never wonder where you stand. So, we know we don't quite grasp all that yet. Dax's most recent highlight was his "Daddy day" with Dusty. They left the house at 10 am and didn't return until almost 7 pm. If you wanna read about that - check out Dusty's blog www.imconnected.blogspot.com.

Speaking of Dusty. He's up to lots and lots - we launched a community outreach this week: www.ivebeenserved.com and next week are our Creative Camps - some free creative instruction we're providing for people in the community. So he's exceptionally busy being husband, daddy, pastor, mentor, friend, evangelist, real estate agent, videographer and editor, etc. :)

Me? I just try to keep up with them and pace myself. Sounds like we're having another boy, so I'm gearing up for more of the same LOL! I actually attend an orientation tomorrow in order to be placed on the rotation for substitute teaching. It should be a great connection within the community.

Ok, well, I'm gonna run see if I can find that camera cord somewhere! Hope you are doing well and have a beautiful week :)

Lately...

Ahhhh me... the boys are in bed and Dusty's upstairs watching a he-flick with his buddy Jordan so I'm sneaking a few moments to update y'all on the family.

Lately, Dusty has been showing houses (after paying a joyous mountain of real estate dues and insurance fees) and meeting city leaders. I haven't seen him this dressed up, this OFTEN in a long time :) New things excite him, so he's having lots of fun. He continues to meet people, blog, and design websites and media for upcoming events. As usual, he tends to excel at whatever he touches. My own proverbial Midas. :)

Lately, Daxton has been grounded from video games. And I note this SIMPLY because he asks EVERY DAY what remains of his sentence. It's becoming apparent we must move to a different consequence for our "attitude infractions." Between offenses, however, he's a lot of fun, a great helper - we have daily chores now - and he loves his brother, when he's not strong-arming him, just because.

Lately, Draes... well, scares me. He RUNS to everything, fears NOTHING, except maybe Daxton :). LOL His body's like a little, human segway. Buddha belly leans forward, forward we go. Buddha belly straightens up, we stop. Buddha belly leans back (or too far forward), we fall down. I laugh a lot. He's a toughy, that one. He face plants, bangs his head and trips over whatever's on the floor that he wasn't looking for so didn't step over, but he rarely cries. No, crying is reserved for the realization that Mommy has no more ice cream to share. Then we shriek in utter disdain and flail across the room into the pantry to pout. Bystanders think he's hurt and rush to his aid. Mom just laughs - I wish I looked cute doing that.

But lately, mom? Well, I'm just "WAY BIGGER" than I ought to be. My buddha belly is NOT cute, nor are the buddha body parts which have expanded to offset its gravity. POO! I know, "you're pregnant!" But that is no excuse for THIS - sorry. Oh well, I went for a walk tonight... For those who've been wondering, we might know what the baby "is" as early as next week. My fun comes in learning with the boys. Dax reads more each day and Drae's at that GREAT age where EVERYTHING is a new adventure. It's nice having Dusty around more. It's fun to share with him in those "look at that!" moments. I love connecting with new people around here and watching what God is doing. 

So that's what we're up to! What are you doing lately?...

Freedom

Celebrating freedom is an interesting thing. I think, like so many holidays in America, we can get more caught in the traditions than the meaning. It's important to reflect upon our reasons for doing what we do. 

I did that for me this year, but didn't do a great job with my son. (I'll talk to him about it tomorrow I PROMISE. And he'll probably give me that funny look, but better late than never.) We had a great get together at our neighbors' house - about 35 people! And our fireworks display included something tres unique (that's my contribution from 4 years of French in HS - see Dad, I DO use it :)) - we got to see someone blow up an airbag - yup, retrieved from a vehicle. Long, unnecessary story, but it was cool to see - and quite educational for the kids. :)

I got to thinking, in the midst of the beauty, the noise and the friendship, about what freedom really is. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." I think true freedom, and the perception of freedom are often mistaken in our lives. The street may seem like freedom to my little Draes, until he becomes burdened by the yoke of injury... or worse. Endless supplies of candy seem like freedom to my four-year-old, until he's burdened by the yoke of stomach pain or tooth decay. So many things can seem like freedom: anger, stubbornness, arrogance, self-righteousness, substance abuse, gossip... Until we realize they've strapped us with their yokes: guilt, broken relationships, loneliness, self-loathing, addiction, insecurity... 

So what is freedom? I think we have to be careful in what WE define as free. Look at that passage again... "It is for freedom that CHRIST has set you free..." In the context, Paul is referring to living under grace and not the law. But I think the key lies in who sets us free. Because of our nature, we often struggle to truly understand what freedom is - as noted earlier. Only Christ can truly make us free - and in order to remain free, we have to "stand firm" and, I believe, continue to run to the source of that freedom, or risk being caught in the crossfire of reality and perception (a hazy line sometimes, I know). 

Recently, God is calling me to some tough things - mostly things that require me to trust Him more and rely less on my expectations of people to make right choices. It's tough for me because I'm a big "justice for the masses" girl: always cheering the underdog, always trying to even the playing field. But God is calling me to let Him do those things - His job anyway - but BOY I feel incarcerated! And yet, He is the author of freedom, so I have to believe that it is for FREEDOM He has set me FREE. If we can do that (Oh Lord, help me!) I think we get to experience true peace and joy. If not, we often end up building prisons with our own 2 hands. 

I don't know what your yokes might be, but I'm believing Christ set us free so we could be free. Wanna walk with me? Let's lay down the bars we think are protecting us and let Him show us true freedom? Hee hee - then maybe we'll have our own little fireworks display!

Dreas turns ONE!

June 21st was Draes's first birthday! He didn't really get why all the attention was on him, but he definitely loved the cake! We wish you all could have been here to share it with him. We can hardly believe he's already a year, but he's definitely on the go. 

He's walking everywhere, jabbering all the time, and making his general presence and preferences known. This last year has been an amazing blessing, having Draes in our lives. We can't wait to see what then next year holds for him :)

For more pictures, check out my facebook account :)

One Step at a Time

New things can be overwhelming. 

Having your first child, for instance. Or for that matter, having your first second and your first third child, and so on :) Any "first time" situation can be scary... even terrifying.

Some see a challenge. Others, like me, see the insurmountable. I've wasted hours and hours pondering the mysteries of why my natural bent is fear when it could be faith (like my amazing husband's view). 

Recently there have been so many new things: New town, new people, new baby on the way, new house, new rules, new church, new everything that comes with planting a church... I began to find myself lying awake at night, unable to shake the fear of "all that must be done." 

Then a funny thing happened. My baby started walking. Not funny, ha ha. Funny in that God used it for ME.  I was lying awake... AGAIN... probably about 3:30 am, thinking, "How? How can I possibly juggle all of this? What if I drop everything and make a fool of myself and everyone else?" And God brought to my mind a recent picture of my son and I. A vision of my little boy, barely confident in his steps, reaching for my hand. As he held on to me, not only did he gain confidence, he began to move forward... one... step... at... a time. 

The tears came with the tender voice of God, "Hold on to Me, and take one step at a time."

I love the story of Peter walking on the water (Matthew 14:22-36). "...Then Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?' " (vs. 29b-31). There are so many angles from which to see this story, but I love it because it shows me Peter's humanity and Christ's divinity. Peter was afraid; he needed a Savior. Christ was disappointed, but he did not withhold his mercy, his hand.

It's so easy to become distracted by the wind, the voice of the enemy twirling us into confusion. But if we can stop, if we can lock into the gaze of the One who commands the universe... If we can reach for his hand, we can make it... one... step... at a time, until we're walking strong and tall, maybe even running! And if you feel like you're creeping right now, you can come on over into my lane; you'll be in good company :) We'll get stronger and faster every day, reaching for Jesus.

Oh... and I just loved the picture of Jesus learning to walk :) Guess it means He's been there too. :)

Beauty of the storm

It's funny... you can go without something for so long you don't realize how you ache for it... until you suddenly have it again. The way we go too long without water, not realizing we're thirsty, until we taste it and begin to gulp breathlessly until it's gone.

I'm sitting at my kitchen window. Listening to the thunder; the rain is literally splashing through the screen onto my face. (Maybe not great for my computer, but I don't care). I didn't realize how much I had missed this. How much peace one can find in a thunder storm. I remember as a child, standing at the back screen door as a storm would roll in. There's no scent quite like that of impending rain. It's clean and fresh; you just want to drink it in. 

We haven't experienced thunderstorms in a number of years where we were living. Rain,yes, but without the storm. The power is so awesome: the lightning snapping, the thunder booming in reply... It's beautiful and frightful all at once. Awesome... like so many acts of God.

The dry, cracked earth in our yet-unfinished backyard reminds me of my soul sometimes. Just this week a friend and I were talking about being in a place where you know you need more of God, but you lack the motivation to pursue Him. "You will seek Me and find me when you seek Me with all your heart" says Jeremiah 29:13.  We talked about how God often brings us to the place of longing - will even leave us there, until we realize our need for Him and chase after Him. Countless times in the Old Testament, He brought His people to the end of themselves, and when they finally cried out to Him, He met their need, and drew them close to Himself again. Watching the rain quench the ground paints that picture for me: the relief of a parched spirit in the power, grace, even gentleness of such a great God.

I wish, instead of a picture, I could upload the smell of the rain :) and you could share it with us.

The lightning flashes and God speaks, "I am the Lord. That is my Name. I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols" (Isaiah 42:8).

CH-CH-CH-Changes

WE MADE IT!

We are here, mostly moved in and adjusting to the change... well,... mostly. I'd like to begin with a list of the top 5 changes I did NOT anticipate.

5. The land of the risen sun:  you know... the kind that never seems to go down? Little did I know Boise was a mere 50 miles from the Pacific time zone line. So, we're basically on the same sun rotation as we were, but the times are all different. No wonder my infant wakes up an hour after his 7 pm bedtime. It's still broad daylight!

4. Altitude determining my attitude!  I grew up in mountainous Wyoming, then moved to sea level. That transition was simple, but coming back up? We feel winded and tired after climbing the stairs. LOL

3. A love affair with my gas gauge? You can get just about everywhere here in 25 minutes or so, depending on traffic. I did all my little daily errands and had barely dipped below 3/4 of a tank from Monday to Friday! I know, you all want to move here now, doncha!? ;)

2. Diverse-city. The area is touted to be about 94% caucasian, which is probably close to true, BUT I found out from a local friend, Boise is one of only 7 cities in the US that is a "refugee city." Which means we take in people fleeing death or persecution in their countries, AND the hispanic population in the valley is high enough that Mexico is planning to build a Consulate here! Kinda cool - since a lot of people told us we were moving  to a white supremacist stronghold. And the number one change I didn't anticipate....

1. That it would feel SO right. We've moved a few times, in my life and in our marriage. It's always been for God, but it never feels great to me. I KNOW it's right, but I'm always nervous; I feel out of place. It usually takes me a good 6 months to a year to feel settled. THIS move, though, feels so right. It makes sense to me, and I don't even know what sense it makes! There are so many uncertainties, but none of them phase me. It's just right. Both Dusty and I keep saying (with this kind of whimsical, weird smile), "It just feels right." Maybe this is what it felt like for Noah to build the ark or Joshua to take Jericho... "You want me to build a what?" "You want me to march around? How many times?" "You want us to start a church in Boise?"  Ok, God, whatever You say!

So, here we are. Dusty has had several of those crazy, evangelistic, fall-on-your-face-and-get-saved conversations he tends to have with random people. Daxton makes us new friends and opens doors for connections in every grocery store, restaurant, drive-through and garage sale. Draes screams a lot, but he smiles too so people think he's cute. And I just feel like I'm on some sort of amazing ride where I can't imagine or wait to see what happens next. And though I miss everyone who's not here with us, there's not a question in our minds this is where we're suppose to be. No matter what changes continue to crop up, no matter what changes we face, our God will not change. Though He is always moving, He will not BE moved. Isn't it good to know, even if everything else changes, He stays the same? Malachi 3:6 "I the Lord do not change."

We hope all your ch-ch-ch-changes find you in the Hand of an Unchanging God. Whew! The sun FINALLY went down. Maybe I can get some sleep ;).

Pics: Draes attempting his escape to the wild open and Daxton proudly displaying his latest "owwie"

ON THE MOVE

So many interpretations of a phrase...

on the MOVE...

Draes is definitely moving, moving all the time. He crawls 0-60 in 2 seconds... has the calluses on his toes to prove it :) He loves to pull up and stand. Last week he began crawling up the stairs - COMPLETELY without permission. Naughty boy! So we had to get a gate. He's begun cruising from object to object while standing, and today he even stood on his own for about 30 seconds. My heart rate goes up just watching him. He just looks back, smiles and laughs. He loves to go!

on THE move...

Daxton goes back and forth about this big move to Boise. At times he's extremely excited and wants to tell everyone all about his "new house" and what life in Boise will be like. At other times, he despairs over whether or not he'll make friends and having to say goodbye to "my best house." I'm a little amazed, as he's four, that he's already aware of and worried about his social status. But, we talk through it and I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a real helper and always wants a "job" or to help me pack. Though he'll definitely miss his friends, I can already see his ecstasy at his new adventure.

ON the move...

I wish I could say I felt we were "on" it - as in on top of, in control of, managing... but I don't think so. With just 1 week to go, my packing isn't 1/2 done. My sisters have been a help this week. Dusty has been struggling with a root canal gone bad...ok REALLY bad. Saturday night before last his cheek looked like he was chewing on a golf ball. By Sunday morning it was like a tennis ball and by Monday it was as though a large softball had taken residence in the left side of his face. He got it fixed today, after antibiotics knocked the infection out. What a mess, poor guy. We both can't believe how much has to be done! But God will see us through :) because without question He is always...

ON THE MOVE! We've recently learned one of the girls from our youth group lives in Meridian with her family - another God connection. There are so many blessings, as God continues to open one door after another. Surprises, sometimes challenges, but ever the still, small Voice, "I'm still here." Can't wait to see His new moves :) We'll catch you in Boise!

Never Alone

We were most definitely created for relationship. No matter who you are, how independent or strong, there comes a time when each of us wants to belong, feel welcome, known...

This week Dusty and I went to Boise. We figured since we're about 30 days from the move it MIGHT be a good idea to procure housing for our boys :). 

A couple gracious families agreed to keep Dax and Draes, and they had a great time. I figured Draes would take it the hardest, being so young and my more "clingy" of the two.

I was surprised. Dax got very emotional upon our return, "I just missed you so much." (Even though he'd been running and playing like a banshee on 5 acres the entire time.) He has since been at my side CONSTANTLY. But the precious moment came this morning when he and Draes reunited. Dax got up from his chair with a big smile and came to give his brother a hug and a kiss. Draes, in turn, grunted and started bouncing up and down. "Thank you for waking up Draes to come and see me," Dax said. But I could see it in his eyes... this was "home." This is what family was suppose to be: Daddy, Mommy, Daxton and Draes. 

All day we've experienced tears and had to reassure him we're all together and Mommy and Daddy will never leave him alone. I'm realizing it's simply going to take a couple days for him to see things will be as they were and we're telling the truth. We will never leave him alone.

I find myself wondering why we have to remind him. We told him before we left. We told him we'd be back. We've told him since we've BEEN back...

Funny thing is... as I look at this "thing" we are called to in Boise. There are days, moments when I shed tears. I wonder "what are we doing?" Not because I'm unsure of God's call, not because I'm unsure of His power. It's the sheer magnitude of it. Here we are moving to a land we don't know, hoping to share Christ with a people we don't fully understand, uprooting our family and others' families, leaving people we love desperately... It's in those moments I feel myself, much like my four-year-old, clinging to Jesus's leg, as it were, crying out in simple fear of the unknown, "Jesus, please go with us. Please don't leave us alone." And he smiles and whispers to me, as I whisper to my small one, who cannot see beyond his own perspective, "You are never alone. Never alone."

Excuse me while I go find my son and hold him a little tighter.

The bond of brotherhood

Hey everyone, 

Well a week or so ago, the boys "Papa" suggested I start a blog with updates and photos of the boys. I've wanted to do a blog for awhile and his "insistent look" :) gave me the extra motivation I, apparently, needed :) So here you go...

I'm taken back lately by the bond the boys already share. They're about 3 1/2 years apart, and very different in many ways, but there's this LOOK they exchange... Honestly, Dusty and I are preparing for, what will undoubtedly be, many mischievous fiascoes to come. Still, it's so fun to see them share a special affection. It's crazy, when you love someone so intently, knowing someone else sees that value in them... it's like a little club.

ANYWAY, on to the fun stuff... Draes continues to be a joy and a do-er. He's our cuddly one - stopping about every 15 minutes in his playtime to find me and solicit being held or snuggled, until he's ready to check out some new venture. He loves to touch his brother's face and crawl around on his dad. In his insta-style, Draes started pulling up to his knees, deciding to make his debut in the bathtub - much to my dismay as my soapy hands slipped and slimed to keep him upright. He just laughed. I promptly went out and purchased a bath seat. The little man still refuses to crawl; why should he when he can army crawl/inchworm across a room in 8.5 seconds, right? And, he's made it clear just HOW aware he is of his world. If he's not particularly in the MOOD for cheerios (that day) he'll make a "yucky" face, spit them out, arch his back and cry-------- Apparently he'll be the food critic in the family  :) Draes also gives his brother a run for his money. There will be no "I can take your toy away because you're just a baby" for this one. If Dax decides Drae shouldn't have something and tries to take it, a loud protest quickly sounds. Even so, everything big brother does is SO FUNNY, so they seem to make amends easily right now.

Speaking of Dax... he's growing up SO fast. His heart and his mind amaze me. He is all creativity and compassion. His imagination is off the charts lately; every moment holds some new song or scenario or idea for how we can dance to this or build that or... I find myself wishing there was nothing else to do so I could escape with him to these places he's going. Childhood really is more fun the second time around  (though my mom says the third is even better :). Dax decided the other week he wanted to open a school so he could teach all the kids. He's very much a people person - unafraid of anyone in any situation... LOL and unafraid to share our entire family history and the contents of his stomach :) I wish I had his pluck! And, oh, how he loves his brother! The other day, in his breakfast prayer, he thanked God for "making a baby named Draes." In the car, when Draes is upset, he gives him the play-by-play of where we are and how long until we'll be there. "It's ok, Draes. We're almost home. Don't be sad, mommy just loves you and daddy just loves you and I love you and Jesus loves you. You're a part of our family." Today I walked in the room to see them lying on the floor, face to face. Dax was saying, "Draes, you can't pick your nose. You need to ask for help. And you can't spit; you should ask for a napkin. And  you need to share your toys with people." He's such a helper. I've started packing for the move, so he writes labels for the boxes and cuts them out and scotch tapes them to the box. :) 

As much as our children need us to grow and learn and be shaped into their pathways, I wonder if we need them more to be reminded of the beauty and the joy of life, and what's truly important in the end...

Well, it's late, so I should end this. I'll try to keep up with it, as I don't know when I'll ever be able to figure out the old web page. Hope you are all well. Know there are 4 Taylors who love you!