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I had another birthday recently. No matter how much you try to escape them, pretend they don’t exist, birth your babies ON them in pure avoidance (as if I had that much control)... they still come around. For some reason, I was nervous about this one. Somehow I reason that the 5’s are a middle ground. The 6’s are a no-turning-back commitment . . . (again, as if I had that much control).

But, as is true most mornings, my Champion woke me with a song of hope in my heart and His presence in my spirit. So, I thought I'd share a few things I have learned (some for the UMPTEENTH time) since my last birthday. :)

1. I can only control me. (And even that is questionable depending on your theology, but for the sake of argument...) The better part of my growing years were spent creating a persona full of savvy barriers to keep from being rejected, hurt or abandoned. Funny thing is, none of those defenses includes a mind or body control device to deal with the pesky reality that is "other people's choices." I cannot predict or control how other people live or treat me; I can only manage how I live and respond. Learning that (and REALLY LEARNING it, not simply knowing it) has been a painful and freeing experience.
2. People and expectations will most assuredly disappoint. Still, to stop believing in either would be a wasted life. We must simply adjust our perspective glasses to a more realistic prescription.   
3. The greatest significance is found in insignificance... because no one thinks to look there.   
4. Cherishing every moment builds a beautiful future. Solely preparing for the future does little good as it cannot stand on moments which were never lived.  
5. My purpose here is still being written - evidenced by the fact that there is still breath entering and exiting my lungs. So I will live in gratitude to Him who loves me and has called me according to His purpose - and chase that definition as long as my heart continues beating.

So, whether you're next birthday is 16 or 91, I pray you are continuing to learn and grow and LIVE.  Read Jeremiah 29:11-13 to be reminded that God is not finished with you yet, and listen to this song for some inspiration!!! :)

Link:  TODAY by Kirk Franklin

"Life as a Music Video" Monday

If you're like me, music is like an extension of your soul. I am convinced I would be perfectly content if situationally appropriate songs hovered over me like a theatrical rain cloud. So, to share that affection for melody, harmony and all the ways they apply to our every day... welcome to "Life as a Music Video" Mondays.

Song: Wherever You Go   Artist:  Audrey Assad

“Can you just sit with me a minute,” Champion whispered into my heart. I glanced wistfully at the clean silverware and decided it could wait. I took a seat at my table; at His feet. 

Just then, Audrey’s voice pierced the open air of the messy kitchen and my heart. “I’m coming for you, coming for you wherever you go.”

I have a chronic problem with trying to live out of my own strength. It’s usually a subtle shift, but all at once, I’ll feel it. Like an awkward stare - so intense you have to stop and look up. As I glance around, I’ll see His eyes - yards or days or heartbeats away from where I have taken my own path.

All at once the weight of my efforts will cripple me, and the tears fall in the silly realization that I’ve done it again. But He, my Champion, just comes to me with a compassionate gaze. “This way, love.” He whispers, as he lifts me to my feet, brushes the dust from my knees and leads me on, a knowing smile on His redemptive lips.

And I don’t understand... why He keeps fighting for me. I know it’s not because of MY virtue. Ha ha! I know it’s because of His beauty, His faithfulness - measureless and utterly inhuman. 

That day, as He wrapped my heart in His again, I thought of you - all the girls I love. We all strive in so many ways, and, yes, I know - there is much to be done. But it can be accomplished in peace and grace if we will take off our Martha mind and put on our Mary heart. It’s there at His feet; it’s there in His heart, His eyes. There is no greater bliss - and the silverware can wait at least a few minutes more... 

He has come for you... LISTEN <3   (Jeremiah 2:13; Jeremiah 31:3-6)

Wherever You Go (Link)

Buy it (Cause it's Audrey, and she's that amazing!)

“Life as a Music Video” Monday

If you're like me, music is like an extension of your soul. I am convinced I would be perfectly content if situationally appropriate songs hovered over me like a theatrical rain cloud. So, to share that affection for melody, harmony and all the ways they apply to our everyday... welcome to "Life as a Music Video" Mondays.

Song: Outta My Mind  Band:  Anthem Lights

It was a bit of a rough week. People hurting people - people hurting me. Somehow I’d slipped back into the lie that I had some semblance of power when it came to others’ actions or attitudes... apparently not noticing as I sidled through the backdoor of that mindset. But my Champion, who will never let me stay content in brokenness, allowed the false walls to crumble once again - revealing a well-known backdrop of disillusionment. And like Jonah, I was cranky over the death of a vine I had never given life to in the first place.

Seeing a lie and climbing out of it are two different things. I struggled for days to surrender my mindset - rifling through details that, if I could simply understand, might lead me to avoiding this feeling in the future (yah right - because that’s how you grow... through avoidance... lol). 

It was in said struggle that I found myself driving down the road, my 3 little princes belted safely behind me. The wind tossed our chariot around a bit, and as the line of cars in front of me slowed inexplicably, I had an extra moment to catch sight of a hawk. You’ve seen little birds in high wind, right? The way they hover in mid-air, riding currents invisible to our eyes? Always beautiful. And here was this HAWK - massive, majestic bird; gorgeous wingspan - floating on the wind without the slightest effort. It was breathtaking. I had never before seen a bird of that size conquering such a feat.

The Spirit stirred within my spirit and my Champion whispered in wordless truths. There will always be downdrafts: circumstances we absolutely cannot control, people we can’t stop from hurting those we love, people condemning our best intentions. But we have a choice. We can let the downdrafts have us, sucking us deeper toward a fallen earth, or we can soar on the wind, allowing a greater Hand to lift us beyond mere, visible horizons. Just then this song came on the radio and completed the refrain.  Our minds can become a trap, a downdraft, unless we surrender to His heart. It doesn’t always have to make sense. And when we surrender our thoughts to Him (2 Cor. 10:5), He lifts us up on the wings of the unseen... faith. And when we're trusting Him in each breath - that's when He can really use us! Check out the song here.

Passing the Ball...

Friday night Dax and I sat in a packed cheering section while the Cole Valley Christian Chargers (the basketball team to which Dusty has been assistant coach this season) triumphed their way into the 2A state finals. When the final buzzer rang...
"Mom, did we win?"
"Yes!"
"So Daddy's going to the state finals tomorrow?"
"Yes!"
"Well, what about my game?"

Dax started his first season in the Upward basketball program this year.

"Well, Son, it's going to be tough. Your game is at noon, and your dad's is at 1:40 fifteen minutes away. This isn't your last game. Would you be willing to miss it so we can go support your dad?"

"Mom, I can't miss my game. I can't let my team down." I was blown away by my eight-year-old's grip on the reality of that truth.

"You're right, Dax. We'll go to your game, and show up when we can to Daddy's. But I'm not sure your dad will be able to make your game. You need to be ready for that."

"But Mom, he said he would come to all my games!" I cringed internally as I remembered the words - again, flabbergasted that my second grader recalled the vow, spoken hastily as the van had turned into a Taco Bell parking lot.

"Well, Sweetie, I know, but no one knew there would be this conflict. His game is a big deal! Let's talk to Daddy and see." My son just looked at me as if the answer should be clearly painted in black and white on the cinderblock walls of the gymnasium.

As soon as he was out of the locker room, I procured my husband's ear and proudly relayed Dax's commitment to his own team. We shared a silent moment of awe. Then I repeated the heart-wrenching reminder. Dusty's face mirrored what my spirit felt, but he swiftly straightened.
"He's right. I'll be there."
"Honey, you CAN'T! The guys need you!"
"I'll talk to Coach. I'll figure something out - even for just part of it. I promised him."

So I watched on Saturday, as my husband knelt in front of his son and told him to play his best. He stayed for the first period, then headed to the arena. Dax played with more spirit than I've ever seen him give, then we sped out to cheer Dad on as his team became the state champions of the 2A division! And my son had the joy and privilege of celebrating his father.

There were a dozen possible excuses - good ones. But he chose to be true to his word. That's the kind of man I married. And our son is becoming that same kind of man.

I stood amazed as I watched faithfulness pass from one generation to another this weekend, as tangible as watching them pass the ball. Words are everywhere and often meaningless. It's how we live that brings the victory home.

"...who keeps his oath, even when it hurts..." Psalm 15:4

Dancing in the Waiting Fields

Dax and I were driving back from Nampa this morning. The sun was just peaking up over the horizon as we passed a field, neatly plowed and blanketed in frost, like powdered sugar on a bundt cake. I considered the rows -- plowed and ready; frozen and empty -- in the middle of February.

As I was pondering, these words sang out from my worship CD: "He is freedom; He is healing right now." I looked at the frozen field and thought, "Healing right now?"

Sometimes God allows our hearts or our spirits to be broken. Always He wants to use the struggle to His glory and our good. (Romans 8:28) 


If it were not for the plowing and churning, the fields could not receive seed and produce a new crop. And yet, even after the breaking, they sit -- waiting for the planting time.


True change rarely happens overnight; Healing is seldom instantaneous. Yet, He is faithful.

Sometimes we are broken only to wait in a frozen field, it seems. But we are not abandoned. He is healing -- right now! And if we wait on Him, the planting season will come. If we leave our hearts tender and open to Him like that furrowed earth, we will receive from Him. Then all the churning and the breaking and the aching and, yes, even the waiting (sometimes especially the waiting) will produce new life in us.

Dance in the waiting fields. He is faithful.

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you." Hosea 10:12

Taylor Tales 2011

Dear You,
   Welcome to the digital "Taylor Year in Review." I honestly despise writing these because they seem so self-focused, but I'm also terrible at consistent updates for loved ones far away. We know there are those who like to know what we've been up to. So, to that end...

I (Tammi) continue to chase my 4 amazing boys around (yes, I include Dusty in that mix for reasons I shall relay in his segment) AND this year, I also branched out in some dreams God has had on my heart since I was a teen. I had the privilege of being the primary speaker for a small women's retreat here - which was an absolute honor, and also finished the first draft of a novel God has birthed in me. I am not certain what all He has in store on that front, but I will continue to walk through doors as He opens them.

Daxton gave us great joy this year when he declared his belief in Jesus as His forgiver and the leader in His life, and then asked to be baptized. I cannot fully describe the joy at watching my husband baptize our son! Dax turned 8 in November and continues to prove he inherited his father's out-of-the-box mindset and optimism. He is always inventing something or dreaming about something. He amazes me as he leads and nurtures his brothers and searches out deep mysteries of life. He will start basketball soon (much to his daddy's delight), and we are excited to see what new facets of his character that will reveal.

Draes turned 4 in June and is a continual joy! He never ceases to baffle us with his generosity and consideration of others. In recent months, he has taken to breaking into long and detailed songs at the end of which he asks, "Mommy, was it great?" Being songwriters ourselves, we see no alternative but to foster that in him. It's lots of fun! Drae is always demonstrating some new "move" - be it dance or superhero. And, while he is all boy, athletically, his tenderness shines brightly. He is a champion of justice :) and does not receive ANYTHING (water, a cookie, a hug) without wanting one for his brothers also.

Dezdin turned 3 in November and has become - what I like to call - my stealth bomber... he is still our quiet child, and he has learned how that works to his advantage. I frequently walk into the kitchen to find him in the eye of some created storm. He is silent and fast and, when confronted, always begins with "but Mommy..." From infancy he has been a student - watching in silence for great lengths - learning relationships and patterns and navigating within or around them. We are realizing with certainty, he will be a mystery we are continually unwrapping.

Dusty... oh my... I met an author this year who published his first book at age 70. I asked Dusty, "Do you think you'll be starting new things at 70?" But I knew the answer even before he responded. He is currently carrying 3 part-time gigs in addition to the more-than-full-time requirements of church planting. Thankfully for us, he thrives on action, and we work hard to do most things as a family. I'm amazed at how he provides for us, encourages each of our dreams, and continues to be passionate about all God has called Him to do in leading a positive, authentic community at Connections. I think I probably say it every year, but I am absolutely fascinated by who he is and all that he does. In addition to very part time real estate and marketing, his latest venture has been assistant coaching the varsity boys at Cole Valley Christian High School. They are currently undefeated, and he is really enjoying the whole package: the guys, his head coach, the game, pouring into his players... He also recorded his first album in a decade - so we are excitedly searching out the best venue for publishing that. (Makes your head spin doesn't he?)

Church planting continues to be the greatest struggle and joy we have known, second to parenting :). It is humbling to be in a community of people who are pursuing Jesus, His grace and healing. God glorifies Himself, and we are just thankful to be a part of watching him change lives (others and our own). It is our constant prayer that God will draw each of us and you toward greater depths of faith and truth in Him. There is no greater place to be than in the center of His heartbeat. May 2012 find you chasing Him with everything that you are. Love to you, from us.

Dusty, Tammi, Dax, Drae n Dez...

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Dear Dustin,
There are days when it feels like you have been mine forever - moments when I forget you were not there the day I learned to ride a bike or lost my first tooth.

And there are days when I try to imagine the possibility of life without you if - God forbid - something were to take you from me. Then I quickly pray God will call me first because, of the two of us, you are the least likely to crumble into a hopeless heap of helplessness.

But mostly I spend my days in gratitude - that God would bring me a "you." I remember the day I realized with astonishment that He had somehow heard the unspoken cries of my little heart and made a man that had so many of the unbelievable qualities I not only wanted, but needed. I think of the dark days when I had no hope and no desire to cope - how you were there, even in your own pain, making sure I took one step, and then another - forcing me to speak truths I could not see or believe.

I find myself all at once torn between the desire for the whole world to see how amazing you are, and wanting to hide your brilliance for myself alone. I treasure you in my heart - the mystery of this love that my Love would grant me. That of all the things He has given me - I would get you as well. Amazing. Confounding.

We celebrate the years, but I rejoice in the moments. It is one more day, one more kiss, one more glance, one more laugh, one more tear, one more smile, one more struggle with you. Each of them is an undeserved gift and a beautiful blessing.

I love you,
Tam