5 reasons it's a good thing we're not God (well... me specifically)

I sometimes wonder why God called me into ministry. Let's face it, I'm not the poster child for pastor's wives, ya know? I speak when propriety would hush me. I get emotional when others would say I should be clinical. Not saying I'm proud or ashamed of that... it's just true. 

But there is this... between loving people through ministry and loving my kids, God keeps me always at His knee. Humanity is such a mystery sometimes -  the way we walk into something knowing the pain will come, but wanting the rush badly enough? The way we hurt each other... the way we get stupid? I'm often asking God, "How do you put up with it? WHY do you put up with it? with me? with us? with this mess we're creating/have created?" LOL and in that mental abyss I sometimes think about what I would do if I had the power. Scary thought huh? Yah. I know you're frightened :) Me too, AND, to keep perspective, I thought I'd note just a FEW of the reasons HE'S the guy... and I'm not.

5. I  have a shorter fuse.  - Yes, I try... and I do marvel at the level of my own patience sometimes, but there's no WAY I would withhold my vengeance for generations while people spat in my face.

4. I think I'd prefer robots.  - Sure choice is a great thing to you and me. But if you were the ruler of all these crazy beings running around shooting themselves and each other (figuratively AND literally), would you rethink free will? 

3. I'm a stinkin' elephant! - I remember the craziest details! Especially how I was wronged, by whom, in what season, location, date and time... you get the point. If I were a deity there would be no "hurling your sins into the depths of the sea."

2. I'm a justice girl. - I'm all for mercy, but I'd make you pay SOME restitution first. Purgatory might be real if I were almighty.

And number 1? NO WAY!!! It's possible I might sacrifice my son's EGO for your salvation, but that'd be about it. Lay down my sons innocent life for the sins of a bunch of people who are just going to be unfaithful and sinful anyway? Probably not gonna happen...

When I step back and think on those things, I am SO, SO, SO thankful that HE is God and I am not - that He is complete in all His being, His justice and His mercy. I am speechlessly grateful for the sacrifice He made in Jesus, because without it, I, you, we... would be utterly hopeless. 

Joy in Unlikely Places

I hate receipts. Being vocational ministers, we keep every receipt because anything ministry related can be a deduction. So, I categorize and keep all these annoying pieces of tree waste, just to keep the IRS at bay. BLECH!

But this year, as I organized and entered them into mind-numbing spreadsheets, God began to minister to my spirit.

"Wow, this time last year, we were on the road to Boise, screaming Draes in the back seat (he had only been 2-months-old when we made our first Boise trip), to look at housing and connect more with the area and people." I remember looking at the very house we're now living in, for the first time. Dax ran in stocking feet from room to room saying, "Mommy, look at this hooj one!" with his usual enthusiasm. How could we have known, then, how much love and joy we would share in this space? That this would be HOME?

Just a month later Dusty and I would venture up again, to finalize things. It would be that week I would know, beyond doubt, that we were pregnant again, against our meticulous plans. :) I would fear and fret and be sad - little knowing how much joy little Dezdin would bring to our home and how much God would teach me through him.

I can't believe it's not even been a year since we arrived here. God has done SO many amazing things, in our lives, in the lives of those with whom we're connected. I'm flooded with joy and gratitude, amazement and hope. There's an anticipation in my Spirit. If God has blown things up like this... what does he have planned for the next 11 months?

Maybe tax receipts won't be such a drudgery next year :)