It was not our plan. I had finally told God I was content with my 3 (even though something in my spirit had always felt like we would have 4).
It was not our timing. I had hoped to be finished having kiddos a few years ago - DEFINITELY before 35.
It has not been our way. From the shocking moment when they revealed she would be a little girl (What? We don't MAKE baby girls!) to the quieting realization moments later that not all was "normal" on the screen we have fallen more and more on unanswered questions and the faith that sustains just beneath.
The beautiful reality surrounding this little girl, though, is that all along she HAS been and WILL be . . . HIS.
The reality that he put #4 in my heart so many years ago... The truth that we would not have pursued having another... The absolute discomfort of not knowing, yet having no option but to look into His eyes and focus on His voice, "Do not fear."
I have never been so overcome with anticipation for the unknown. Lost. Excited. Anxious. Waiting. Resting. Wrestling.
We still have little idea what to expect. Genetic tests would not have changed our course and weren't a real financial option. AND we didn't have peace to pursue them. All I know certainly is that she is coming, and she is HIS.
Her room is being made ready. She is on our tongues at every other conversation - already a part of the family and our hearts. And yet she remains ... with us and not simultaneously.
For the first time I feel a practical understanding for how we are to watch and prepare for the return of Christ while still LIVING in this world. Being in but not of - "One foot in heaven," a friend has said.
Of course she is no messiah - no savior. And yet, there is something - a promise - a purpose - more we will see once she is here.
Thank you to those who have been praying. We ask continued prayer for her, God's will concerning her and for peace. As we wait in anticipation . . .
