If you have attended a church for any length of time or graced a Christian women’s event with your presence, you have likely heard at least one discussion about Mary and Martha. If not, I encourage you to pause and go read the story. The Bible is an amazing, living, active, love story from a Holy God to His beloved people… actually, even if you have read it, you should read it again. His word is just that good.
OK, welcome back! You see, what we so often hear is that Martha was person A (workaholic, control freak, world focused, crabby) and Mary was person B (balanced, Jesus-focused, yielding, eternity-seeing, peace-filled). We somehow come to pity Martha (at best) and pray we can be Mary. However, when I read this tiny passage and His other accounts with the girls, I don’t believe Jesus saw these precious sisters in the light we so often paint them.
We all have Mary and Martha within us. We all carry a mixed array of characteristics like those used to describe the sisters above. And, as he did with them, Jesus desires to show us where “good” is often the enemy of “the best.” Like so many of our battles as women, the battle of Mary and Martha is truly a battle of identity.
Mary and Martha - sisters of Lazarus, supporters of Jesus’ ministry and his disciples, women of God. I believe we too often simply label it as a matter of “DO-ER” or “BE-ER”. While that is undoubtedly a component, we have to dig deeper. Answer this question: Was Martha sinning by making dinner preparations for Jesus and the men? If you sit in that for a moment, I imagine you will realize the answer is a resounding “no”. People “gotta” eat! Hospitality is something actually commanded in both the Old and New Testaments (Leviticus 19; Isaiah 58:7; 1 Peter 4:8-9). Hm. So, if “DOING” was not Martha’s error, what was it? Let’s see what Jesus says.
She comes to Him, frantic, shaken, desperate, and, yes, crabby, and asks Him to motivate her lazy, lounging sis. To which He replies, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” AGGHHH! I love the words of sweet Jesus here! I see three powerful things. Let’s look at them.
1. Jesus SAW Martha. He calls her name twice. Biblically, is not the nature of Jesus to be condescending or scolding (unless he’s talking to arrogant Pharisees), so it is more likely that he was comforting or reassuring her. My kiddos deal with a bit of anxiety. It’s not drama they use to gain control (even when it feels that way), it is genuine fear they have not yet learned to troubleshoot. When they come to me with these anxieties, do I shout their names repeatedly and chide them for having childish fear? I do not. I often take their faces in my hands, place my hands on their shoulders, or even wrap them up entirely and speak gentle, reassuring truth over them. Now, if I as a broken, human mama can give that good gift to my children, is it not safe to assume Jesus could do far better? I hear Him saying her name with gentle assurance - and again, to emphasize to her that He saw her, heard her, and it was going to be ok. Oh how often I have heard him address me thus - in my frantic worrying, “Tammi, Tammi…”
2. Jesus SPEAKS TRUTH to her IDENTITY CRISIS. Does Jesus say, “You’re working to much! Why in the world are you trying to feed us?” Nope! He says, “You are worried and bothered.” Why was she worried and bothered? Was it likely that people weren’t going to get fed? Probably not - it seems as though they had the provisions. Rather, as so often happens within us, Martha was worried about what the timing and excellence of the meal were going to say about her as a hostess. She was afraid of being judged. It was not her DOING that was her error but the fact that she was letting the DOING define her IDENTITY. It is similar for you and me. God doesn’t want you to stop feeding your kids, cleaning your house, going to work, or volunteering, per se. It is when we start finding our value, our worth, or our joy in that doing instead of in COMMUNION WITH HIM that we become frantic, worried and bothered about many things. Do you wonder if your identity is in HIM or something else? Think about the places you invest most of your time. What would happen if those areas suddenly experienced change? What happens when the rules shift, when your performance review is low, when your relationships are tense, when someone else takes over that thing you’ve been doing for so long? Is your first response to sit at Jesus’ feet? Or do you run at Him with a wagging finger of accusation? (Fret not, beloved. He loves you and will meet you in either place you find yourself.)
3. Jesus shows her the BEST. Jesus then tells Martha that Mary has chosen the good part. Again, do we think it was because she was sitting at His feet? Figuratively I would say yes. However, I don’t believe just posturing ourselves before God is what Jesus calls better. We can come before God every moment of every day, but if our hearts are not submitted to Him, we are not likely to experience transformation - not quickly anyway. Mary’s identity was not in what she was doing. Mary’s identity was found in her being - existing - communing - being known by her Savior and her Creator. I have seen women who are immensely efficient DO-ers yet still exude a powerful peace because their identities are not found in the outcome or process of what they do. Their identities are found in Christ. Likewise, I know many women who can BE with great conviction - yet they do not always bear a presence of peace or contentment. Their identity may be found in NOT DOING - but it is not the best way. Jesus says, “It will not be taken from her.” Of course, we know Mary would get up again. She would not always be seated at Jesus’ feet. So what was not to be taken from her? It was the security and peace of her identity being found in Christ.
Can we sit in this truth for a moment? It’s not the value of what I DO that determines my worth. Rather, it is my value IN CHRIST that gives worth to what I do.
Action Steps:
1. Practice SEEKING God. If He SEES us, shouldn't we SEEK Him? I hear many women complain they do not hear God. I was 18 before I recognized the voice of God in my heart. That was after a lifetime of being drenched in scripture and Biblical teaching by my parents. It was on a beach in Mexico, in a moment of desperation and at a precipice of obedience that I was finally quiet and surrendered enough to hear. God is faithful. He says in Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Start with 10 minutes a day praying and listening. Seek discipleship with a women who knows His voice. Ask Him to help you seek with all your heart.
2. Hide the TRUTH (of His Word) in your heart. Psalm 119:11 says “I have treasured Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” How many of us would go days on end without eating? Our bodies and minds do not function at capacity if we are not giving them continual and proper nourishment. Why do we think it should be different with our eternal selves? Jesus said (TO SATAN, MIND YOU), “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.” WHOO! My spirit needs the bread of God’s Word to be nourished and functional. If Jesus needed it, I probably do too. Not only that, but as we treasure up God’s Word in our hearts, the Spirit begins to use it to speak to REMIND us of our IDENTITY in Him. When I hear from the Spirit, it is most often His quiet voice breathing God’s Word over whatever situation I am currently facing. If I were not hiding His Word in my heart, I might not recognize His language when He spoke it.
3. Act from the BEST place. When we have sat at His feet and are nourished in His Word, we can choose what is better, and it won’t be taken from us. Check this out:
Readjusting our identity is not an easy thing. It requires intention and is a continual process. The good news is, if we will surrender the Spirit does the bulk of the heavy lifting. (yay)
Let’s Pray: Jesus, we want to be found in You. We want to be yours - to find our spirits in peace at your feet, to hear You whisper our names and speak eternal truth and purpose over us. It is such a battle in our “produce-to-be-valuable” culture and with our endless responsibilities as women to be sure our identity is in YOU and not the opinions of others or the outcomes of our work. We know work is good and necessary. Help us find the balance of being found in you FIRST and working for you AFTER. Help us to choose the better way. We love you. Amen.
