Joy in Unlikely Places

I hate receipts. Being vocational ministers, we keep every receipt because anything ministry related can be a deduction. So, I categorize and keep all these annoying pieces of tree waste, just to keep the IRS at bay. BLECH!

But this year, as I organized and entered them into mind-numbing spreadsheets, God began to minister to my spirit.

"Wow, this time last year, we were on the road to Boise, screaming Draes in the back seat (he had only been 2-months-old when we made our first Boise trip), to look at housing and connect more with the area and people." I remember looking at the very house we're now living in, for the first time. Dax ran in stocking feet from room to room saying, "Mommy, look at this hooj one!" with his usual enthusiasm. How could we have known, then, how much love and joy we would share in this space? That this would be HOME?

Just a month later Dusty and I would venture up again, to finalize things. It would be that week I would know, beyond doubt, that we were pregnant again, against our meticulous plans. :) I would fear and fret and be sad - little knowing how much joy little Dezdin would bring to our home and how much God would teach me through him.

I can't believe it's not even been a year since we arrived here. God has done SO many amazing things, in our lives, in the lives of those with whom we're connected. I'm flooded with joy and gratitude, amazement and hope. There's an anticipation in my Spirit. If God has blown things up like this... what does he have planned for the next 11 months?

Maybe tax receipts won't be such a drudgery next year :)

Recently on the Taylor Chronicles...

Dax making cookies for launch week.

I don't WANT to finger paint!

Draes in the toybox again.

Dax helping me stamp postcards for launch.

For those of you who hadn't heard, Connections officially launched last week, Feb. 21st. For details check out D's blog http://imconnected.blogspot.com. Life has officially returned from MAJOR chaos, to minor chaos :)

Dax becomes a better big brother EVERY day! Lately, if he can't get the baby to stop crying for me, he CARRIES him - in true five-year-old style - to where I am. Yikes! We've discouraged him from doing so, though he really tries to be careful. Today I turned in the paperwork for him to enroll in KINDERGARTEN! Cannot believe my baby's gonna go to school. And SO glad we waited the extra year. He's pretty excited and it's a great motivator for upping certain behavior and responsibility levels. "Hmmm... do you think boys in kindergarten act like that?"

Draes is slowly learning that "screaming for his supper" isn't the way of the civilized. He's gaining more vocabulary and doing cute things again. This week, he started throwing his hands up and saying "DAH" - which is his form of taa-daa. He's also become exTREMEly affectionate. The other day he sauntered up to a man in the lobby and said "IEE" (hi), then "m-aah, m-ahh." Apparently, in Draes culture, greetings include kissing random people you've never met. Nice... :) He's also enjoying being a big brother. He waves at the baby and kisses him relentlessly :)

Dezdin is more fun all the time. He smiles constantly, is laughing a little, and is beginning to show signs of wanting to get mobile: flexin' those stomach muscles, trying to roll, pushing up on his legs and way up on his elbows... His smiles are absolutely contagious. Seems you just can't hold, kiss on and snuggle a baby enough. He is delectable! 

I'm finding TONS of joy lately. Yes, there are days where I drown the toddler screams in daydreams akin to Narnia or Lord of the Rings, but for the most part I enjoy my particular heroine role in the saga of rearing 3 boys. I fight the monster of bad attitude, wade through the swamps of dirty diapers and bath time and slay the dragon of bad nutrition just in time for naps :). Now if I just don the flowing white gown... then I'd become the eccentric lady that lives down the street. I'd be THAT mom! :) I am a little crazy, after all.

That's the latest with us. Hope you are all well.

The Comedy of My Life

Or you could say "the comedy that IS my life."

Thought I'd share a few things that have forced me to smile lately...

Dax came down to breakfast in his pajamas and sunglasses the other morning. Said he needed to look like a "cool boy."

Draes disappeared in stealth this afternoon, and, of course, when I realized it was WAY too quiet and found him, he had dumped half a loaf of bread on the floor and walked all over it.

Yesterday Dax gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy, I love you so much. I'll always love you. I'll never kill you with a gun." ...yah - don't even try to ponder that, just laugh and let it go - who KNOWS what was going through his mind (and I don't even BUY him guns :).

And to add icing to my belly-laugh cake, the picture? Yah, that's the egg I had begun frying for myself, then forgot about as I fed the kids then took my shower. I discovered it in its caramelized, petrified state after I HAPPENED to go back downstairs. But know what's REALLY sad? My first thoughts weren't, "Oh how dangerous! I could have burned the house down." They were, "O what a waste of money! Now I have to make another egg!"

Just gotta laugh... 

And just like that...

I awoke Monday morning to the glorious snow I've cherished so much over the holiday season. It was a balmy 50 degrees that day, and by late afternoon, the snow that had taken WEEKS to accumulate was GONE!

And it got me thinking (cuz that's how my brain works) about the fact that things can change SO quickly.

In a moment, last night, we left 2008 behind and began a new year, full of new hopes, dreams and struggles to be had.

In a moment, in November, we went from being a family of 4 to "survival mode" as a family of 5. Yes, there were months of preparation, but it's that moment that makes the difference between "a kid on each arm" and "can I grab him with my foot?"

I've had several friends lose parents in these past few months. In just that MOMENT, an entire LIFETIME of relationship is transformed into "memories."

It's amazing what a moment can mean, can create... And, of course, it turns my thoughts back to our Heavenly Father and to Jesus. In one MOMENT, Christ entered the world and began the fulfillment of a promise generations in the making. And in the MOMENT He died on the cross, our lives were forever altered... we changed from creatures bound for death, to those with the potential to live for eternity near to our Creator. 

We are created for moments. It's those moments that make up the journey. And that journey is part of eternity. God is in it all. Those valleys, the "dark night before the dawn"... sometimes they seem like forever, but in one instant, the sun breaks, and we have hope and rest and new life. Even the tragic moments are an invitation to hold onto our Father as He walks with us, through the struggle to create something beautiful and new.

Isaiah 43:19 says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." This verse means a great deal to me because where we are planting connections is called "high desert," and I love the thought of God doing this new thing in this "desert." As we walk on in the new year, I pray you will embrace your moments. See how they've been shaped by your past and how God wants to use them to catalyze your future. Open your heart to what He has for you, and just like that...

P.S. Dusty will be doing a series in Jan. called "21" - it's all about forming new habits in 21 days - becoming who God wants us to be and who we want to be. You should DEFINITELY check out his blog starting January 10th.  www.imconnected.blogspot.com   Happy 2009!

Taking the Bad with the Good

A few mornings past I woke to the beauty of falling snow... and the SCREAMING of my 17-month-old. Talk about an inner conflict. Have you ever tried to meditate on beauty and peace while someone shrieking in the background? It's a real "Zen" exercise - if I believed in all that.

That is the essence of the Taylor world these days... choosing joy in the midst of chaos. :) Our friends told us 3 was "critical mass" (yes that is a direct quote), but, as with having your first child, there's really no understanding until you've experienced it. And I write this laughingly, because you have to laugh. 

~The joy of Christmas music wafts over the tornado fallout that is my kitchen, and dining room, AND living room...

~The excitement of leaving the house overpowers the incessant wailing of my infant who hates his car seat, as did his brothers before him. (I'd buy a new one, but at this point?...)

~PBS kids buys me time to feed the baby without fearing the older ones will end up broken or bloody, and yet places their long term behavior in question.

It's a lot more like juggling now. And I'm laughing because I've always been PATHETIC at juggling. :) Dusty's really good at it (what is he NOT good at?). 

Still, as the snow fell again last night, I found myself in the Winco parking lot singing, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" loudly enough for people to notice. :) In it all, there is an underlying peace - a confidence in the One who has redeemed me - that He sees it all and will give me/us the tools we need to endure and navigate the tough moments :) And, yes, I know those of you with 4plus or who've had twins are laughing at me and shaking your heads :) And then there's that lady who is expecting her 18th? OMword!

 

"Third Times a Charm"

***WARNING!!!*** This blog contains info about labor and/or delivery. :) Feel free to skip if you think you'll have a TMI reaction.

I really wondered if he'd ever come. All 3 of our boys have been "late," but I was SO huge with this one, it stopped being blissful at about 30 weeks :).

We had set an appointment to induce Monday, November 17th. Due to expense and other factors, though, a troupe of friends and I were praying we'd "go" on our own. Dusty and his team (LOL) were also praying we wouldn't "go" on Saturday, being as every meeting is a milestone for our very young church plant.

Well, he decided to show up in PERFECT timing... trying to make everyone happy, sweet boy.

Contractions started at 5:38 Sunday morning. By contraction #4 we had gone from 7 minutes apart to 2! 

"Dusty, it's time to go."

"Should we call the hospital?"

"You can, but I'm going regardless of what they say."

So, we called them on the way :). It's funny how quickly the tone changes from "assessment" to "business" once they find out this ISN'T your first.

Upstairs, went like this:

"Umm, we need to move her to delivery."

"She's not finished admitting yet."

"Well, she's at an 8-9, we'll have to finish the process there."

I've never wanted to be mean or rude or yell at my husband during this time, so I always pray God will give me an extra measure of grace. It's funny how you can want to put your head through a wall one minute, and feel so completely euphoric, even humorous the second the pain's gone. Given as the contractions were every 2 minutes, I felt a little like Jekyll and Hyde.

Still, God gave me grace. I did really want to break my husband's thumb... not to hurt him, per se, breaking something just seemed like it would help. Dusty disagreed :)

The doctor on call wanted to break the water. But Nancy (SUPER NURSE EXTRAORDINAIRE) literally stepped in front of him and said, "Let's wait for her intrathecal." Gotta love Nancy. If you don't know, an intrathecal is a shot they administer similar to the epidural, but it only lasts for a couple hours. Being as we were so close to delivery and an epidural takes 30 minutes or so to set up, Nancy thought it wise to go this route. AND, I think it's probably less expensive too... did I mention we LOVE Nancy? So, George gave me my shot and the pain went away almost immediately. LOVE George too. 

Just then my real doctor got there - LOVE her too. They broke the water, we pushed for "less than 20 minutes" Dusty says. And our 3rd little man was born!

He was 10 lbs 11 oz. - none of us believed it. The nurse even reset the scale to be sure :)

He was 23 inches long. That's the biggest baby on my side of the family. Dusty still holds the record on his side, having been 11 lbs 25 inches! :) And I gladly leave that trophy in his mother's very worthy hands. I'm pretty sure she did it withOUT pain meds too. CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE!

They also told us, our new baby had a KNOT in his cord. They all seemed surprised and not many had seen one. I guess it means he moved around a lot - enough to swim through his own cord at some point. 

So, in less than 3 hours we went from a family of 4 to a family of 5! What a blessing. Dusty and I marveled at how tired we WEREN'T that first day. So many prayers were answered, so many details worked out. And I wonder why I ever question, why I ever fear. This is definitely one of those "ebenezer" moments in my life. "Look what God did here."

Most of you know this little man was a surprise for us. One that I often questioned God on - not the precious life, but the timing. And his birth alone has already begun the answer... not that we deserve one... but in accordance, we named him Dezdin Nathaniel. Dezdin is our concoction of a masculine form of "destiny" and Nathaniel means "given of God." All our children, to me, have held a purpose and message from God. Dezdin was completely God's idea... so I'm especially excited to see what other surprises God unfolds through him. Thank you for all your prayers. They were answered. We are very blessed.

Waiting!!!

Pics from Halloween.

Yah. We were a ref and a basketball. Gotta get creative with a belly like this!

My friend Lisa borrowed us her little guy's costume from last year. Draes was SO cute. Dax wanted to be an astronaut, but we just couldn't find all the stuff. So we bought a really cool pirate sword, and luckily he's so skinny, he still fit his costume from 2 years ago! Way to be flexible, bud!

Sorry - more Drae - just SO DARN CUTE!

They say we spend a good chunk of our lives doing it...  in line, at the gas pump, in traffic. Some of us plan our entire day based on the desire to AVOID waiting.

Everyone I know is waiting for something right now: the house to get finished, that job to come through, the paycheck to show up, the economy to change.

Me? I'm waiting for this KID to show up! :) Don't get me wrong... I know it won't get easier AFTER the baby arrives. I'm just starting to fear the permanent damage done to my overextended nerves and tissue if we go much longer. (I know, ever the drama queen.) 

It gets frustrating. We tend to "cop" attitudes. "Don't you know I have more important things to do than WAIT here for you?" But the other day I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the fact that we often KNOW God has a plan in things, but it's difficult to WAIT for it to be revealed. And she said this, "[I'm] discovering that it really isn't about me understanding; it's really just about being obedient." "SO GOOD!" I thought, even though I still want my way :).

But it's true. How often do I as a parent make my child wait? Do I give him candy, or that toy or movie, or a Mt. Dew, or a trip to McDonalds, or ice cream just because he WANTS it? (OK, once in awhile when it's been that kind of day) Not usually. Most of the time he needs to wait, indefinitely. Why? Because I can see down the road 15 years (or when I look in the mirror) the thousands of dollars spent on tooth decay, or the unstable financial future based in instant gratification.  

So why do WE have to wait? Once in awhile it's about someone else's negligence, and that can be properly addressed. But, isn't it true we often learn the most in the waiting, if we will press into it? After talking with my friend I started thinking along that line and seeing all the beauty of these precious days... waiting.

1. More time to focus on my baby, Draes (16 months) - who's about to NOT be the baby and will probably have a REALLY tough time in that transition. I'm getting to love on him and tell him what a treasure he is to me. That he will always be my baby - even if not THE baby.

2. Helping out my husband - who's doing the toughest, most rewarding job ever. I can't do it all now, but I can do some, and that will halt when Jr. shows up.

3. Sleeping well... oh alright not really "well" but more than I will be for the next few months! :)

4. Draes managed to incur 2nd degree burns (hands/gas fireplace), nearly crack his head on the tile floor, AND get the "throw up sickies" all within a week's time. Not something so easily handled with a brand new infant on your hands!

There are so many little things that make this a precious time of preparation, in my heart, my mind. Life will NEVER be this way again! So, while I'm uncomfortable (and genuinely afraid I could split at the seams) I'm reveling in this time - taking mental snapshots. Waiting, if we'll let it, can be such a precious time of rest and trusting God - who knows SO much more than we do - including the PERFECT time at which to reveal what He was thinking all along. 

Yesterday Draes crawled up in the chair next to me and just sat. No request, no agenda. He just wanted to be present with me. It was precious and bittersweet (sorry, hormonal mom thing).

The timing of this baby has never seemed logical, and for that reason I believe it will be all the more indicative of God and His power and presence. The anticipation of that, and the beauty of the reality He's already placed me in brings a joy and a peace. It's been a time to just crawl up next to God and be present with Him. No purpose other than to just "be." 

I don't know what you're waiting on. But maybe time is standing still because God wants you to "just be" with Him. Perhaps He knows that once this change comes, things will never be the same again. Maybe he wants to remind you of His love before the world starts running like crazy again. I don't know, but I pray you find joy in your waiting. :)

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5