Friday night Dax and I sat in a packed cheering section while the Cole Valley Christian Chargers (the basketball team to which Dusty has been assistant coach this season) triumphed their way into the 2A state finals. When the final buzzer rang...
"Mom, did we win?"
"Yes!"
"So Daddy's going to the state finals tomorrow?"
"Yes!"
"Well, what about my game?"
Dax started his first season in the Upward basketball program this year.
"Well, Son, it's going to be tough. Your game is at noon, and your dad's is at 1:40 fifteen minutes away. This isn't your last game. Would you be willing to miss it so we can go support your dad?"
"Mom, I can't miss my game. I can't let my team down." I was blown away by my eight-year-old's grip on the reality of that truth.
"You're right, Dax. We'll go to your game, and show up when we can to Daddy's. But I'm not sure your dad will be able to make your game. You need to be ready for that."
"But Mom, he said he would come to all my games!" I cringed internally as I remembered the words - again, flabbergasted that my second grader recalled the vow, spoken hastily as the van had turned into a Taco Bell parking lot.
"Well, Sweetie, I know, but no one knew there would be this conflict. His game is a big deal! Let's talk to Daddy and see." My son just looked at me as if the answer should be clearly painted in black and white on the cinderblock walls of the gymnasium.
As soon as he was out of the locker room, I procured my husband's ear and proudly relayed Dax's commitment to his own team. We shared a silent moment of awe. Then I repeated the heart-wrenching reminder. Dusty's face mirrored what my spirit felt, but he swiftly straightened.
"He's right. I'll be there."
"Honey, you CAN'T! The guys need you!"
"I'll talk to Coach. I'll figure something out - even for just part of it. I promised him."
So I watched on Saturday, as my husband knelt in front of his son and told him to play his best. He stayed for the first period, then headed to the arena. Dax played with more spirit than I've ever seen him give, then we sped out to cheer Dad on as his team became the state champions of the 2A division! And my son had the joy and privilege of celebrating his father.
There were a dozen possible excuses - good ones. But he chose to be true to his word. That's the kind of man I married. And our son is becoming that same kind of man.
I stood amazed as I watched faithfulness pass from one generation to another this weekend, as tangible as watching them pass the ball. Words are everywhere and often meaningless. It's how we live that brings the victory home.
"...who keeps his oath, even when it hurts..." Psalm 15:4
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dancing in the Waiting Fields
Dax and I were driving back from Nampa this morning. The sun was just peaking up over the horizon as we passed a field, neatly plowed and blanketed in frost, like powdered sugar on a bundt cake. I considered the rows -- plowed and ready; frozen and empty -- in the middle of February.
As I was pondering, these words sang out from my worship CD: "He is freedom; He is healing right now." I looked at the frozen field and thought, "Healing right now?"
Sometimes God allows our hearts or our spirits to be broken. Always He wants to use the struggle to His glory and our good. (Romans 8:28)
If it were not for the plowing and churning, the fields could not receive seed and produce a new crop. And yet, even after the breaking, they sit -- waiting for the planting time.
True change rarely happens overnight; Healing is seldom instantaneous. Yet, He is faithful.
Sometimes we are broken only to wait in a frozen field, it seems. But we are not abandoned. He is healing -- right now! And if we wait on Him, the planting season will come. If we leave our hearts tender and open to Him like that furrowed earth, we will receive from Him. Then all the churning and the breaking and the aching and, yes, even the waiting (sometimes especially the waiting) will produce new life in us.
Dance in the waiting fields. He is faithful.
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you." Hosea 10:12
As I was pondering, these words sang out from my worship CD: "He is freedom; He is healing right now." I looked at the frozen field and thought, "Healing right now?"
Sometimes God allows our hearts or our spirits to be broken. Always He wants to use the struggle to His glory and our good. (Romans 8:28)
If it were not for the plowing and churning, the fields could not receive seed and produce a new crop. And yet, even after the breaking, they sit -- waiting for the planting time.
True change rarely happens overnight; Healing is seldom instantaneous. Yet, He is faithful.
Sometimes we are broken only to wait in a frozen field, it seems. But we are not abandoned. He is healing -- right now! And if we wait on Him, the planting season will come. If we leave our hearts tender and open to Him like that furrowed earth, we will receive from Him. Then all the churning and the breaking and the aching and, yes, even the waiting (sometimes especially the waiting) will produce new life in us.
Dance in the waiting fields. He is faithful.
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you." Hosea 10:12
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Taylor Tales 2011
Dear You,
Welcome to the digital "Taylor Year in Review." I honestly despise writing these because they seem so self-focused, but I'm also terrible at consistent updates for loved ones far away. We know there are those who like to know what we've been up to. So, to that end...
I (Tammi) continue to chase my 4 amazing boys around (yes, I include Dusty in that mix for reasons I shall relay in his segment) AND this year, I also branched out in some dreams God has had on my heart since I was a teen. I had the privilege of being the primary speaker for a small women's retreat here - which was an absolute honor, and also finished the first draft of a novel God has birthed in me. I am not certain what all He has in store on that front, but I will continue to walk through doors as He opens them.
Daxton gave us great joy this year when he declared his belief in Jesus as His forgiver and the leader in His life, and then asked to be baptized. I cannot fully describe the joy at watching my husband baptize our son! Dax turned 8 in November and continues to prove he inherited his father's out-of-the-box mindset and optimism. He is always inventing something or dreaming about something. He amazes me as he leads and nurtures his brothers and searches out deep mysteries of life. He will start basketball soon (much to his daddy's delight), and we are excited to see what new facets of his character that will reveal.
Draes turned 4 in June and is a continual joy! He never ceases to baffle us with his generosity and consideration of others. In recent months, he has taken to breaking into long and detailed songs at the end of which he asks, "Mommy, was it great?" Being songwriters ourselves, we see no alternative but to foster that in him. It's lots of fun! Drae is always demonstrating some new "move" - be it dance or superhero. And, while he is all boy, athletically, his tenderness shines brightly. He is a champion of justice :) and does not receive ANYTHING (water, a cookie, a hug) without wanting one for his brothers also.
Dezdin turned 3 in November and has become - what I like to call - my stealth bomber... he is still our quiet child, and he has learned how that works to his advantage. I frequently walk into the kitchen to find him in the eye of some created storm. He is silent and fast and, when confronted, always begins with "but Mommy..." From infancy he has been a student - watching in silence for great lengths - learning relationships and patterns and navigating within or around them. We are realizing with certainty, he will be a mystery we are continually unwrapping.
Dusty... oh my... I met an author this year who published his first book at age 70. I asked Dusty, "Do you think you'll be starting new things at 70?" But I knew the answer even before he responded. He is currently carrying 3 part-time gigs in addition to the more-than-full-time requirements of church planting. Thankfully for us, he thrives on action, and we work hard to do most things as a family. I'm amazed at how he provides for us, encourages each of our dreams, and continues to be passionate about all God has called Him to do in leading a positive, authentic community at Connections. I think I probably say it every year, but I am absolutely fascinated by who he is and all that he does. In addition to very part time real estate and marketing, his latest venture has been assistant coaching the varsity boys at Cole Valley Christian High School. They are currently undefeated, and he is really enjoying the whole package: the guys, his head coach, the game, pouring into his players... He also recorded his first album in a decade - so we are excitedly searching out the best venue for publishing that. (Makes your head spin doesn't he?)
Church planting continues to be the greatest struggle and joy we have known, second to parenting :). It is humbling to be in a community of people who are pursuing Jesus, His grace and healing. God glorifies Himself, and we are just thankful to be a part of watching him change lives (others and our own). It is our constant prayer that God will draw each of us and you toward greater depths of faith and truth in Him. There is no greater place to be than in the center of His heartbeat. May 2012 find you chasing Him with everything that you are. Love to you, from us.
Dusty, Tammi, Dax, Drae n Dez...
Welcome to the digital "Taylor Year in Review." I honestly despise writing these because they seem so self-focused, but I'm also terrible at consistent updates for loved ones far away. We know there are those who like to know what we've been up to. So, to that end...
I (Tammi) continue to chase my 4 amazing boys around (yes, I include Dusty in that mix for reasons I shall relay in his segment) AND this year, I also branched out in some dreams God has had on my heart since I was a teen. I had the privilege of being the primary speaker for a small women's retreat here - which was an absolute honor, and also finished the first draft of a novel God has birthed in me. I am not certain what all He has in store on that front, but I will continue to walk through doors as He opens them.
Daxton gave us great joy this year when he declared his belief in Jesus as His forgiver and the leader in His life, and then asked to be baptized. I cannot fully describe the joy at watching my husband baptize our son! Dax turned 8 in November and continues to prove he inherited his father's out-of-the-box mindset and optimism. He is always inventing something or dreaming about something. He amazes me as he leads and nurtures his brothers and searches out deep mysteries of life. He will start basketball soon (much to his daddy's delight), and we are excited to see what new facets of his character that will reveal.
Draes turned 4 in June and is a continual joy! He never ceases to baffle us with his generosity and consideration of others. In recent months, he has taken to breaking into long and detailed songs at the end of which he asks, "Mommy, was it great?" Being songwriters ourselves, we see no alternative but to foster that in him. It's lots of fun! Drae is always demonstrating some new "move" - be it dance or superhero. And, while he is all boy, athletically, his tenderness shines brightly. He is a champion of justice :) and does not receive ANYTHING (water, a cookie, a hug) without wanting one for his brothers also.
Dezdin turned 3 in November and has become - what I like to call - my stealth bomber... he is still our quiet child, and he has learned how that works to his advantage. I frequently walk into the kitchen to find him in the eye of some created storm. He is silent and fast and, when confronted, always begins with "but Mommy..." From infancy he has been a student - watching in silence for great lengths - learning relationships and patterns and navigating within or around them. We are realizing with certainty, he will be a mystery we are continually unwrapping.
Dusty... oh my... I met an author this year who published his first book at age 70. I asked Dusty, "Do you think you'll be starting new things at 70?" But I knew the answer even before he responded. He is currently carrying 3 part-time gigs in addition to the more-than-full-time requirements of church planting. Thankfully for us, he thrives on action, and we work hard to do most things as a family. I'm amazed at how he provides for us, encourages each of our dreams, and continues to be passionate about all God has called Him to do in leading a positive, authentic community at Connections. I think I probably say it every year, but I am absolutely fascinated by who he is and all that he does. In addition to very part time real estate and marketing, his latest venture has been assistant coaching the varsity boys at Cole Valley Christian High School. They are currently undefeated, and he is really enjoying the whole package: the guys, his head coach, the game, pouring into his players... He also recorded his first album in a decade - so we are excitedly searching out the best venue for publishing that. (Makes your head spin doesn't he?)
Church planting continues to be the greatest struggle and joy we have known, second to parenting :). It is humbling to be in a community of people who are pursuing Jesus, His grace and healing. God glorifies Himself, and we are just thankful to be a part of watching him change lives (others and our own). It is our constant prayer that God will draw each of us and you toward greater depths of faith and truth in Him. There is no greater place to be than in the center of His heartbeat. May 2012 find you chasing Him with everything that you are. Love to you, from us.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
14
Dear Dustin,
There are days when it feels like you have been mine forever - moments when I forget you were not there the day I learned to ride a bike or lost my first tooth.
And there are days when I try to imagine the possibility of life without you if - God forbid - something were to take you from me. Then I quickly pray God will call me first because, of the two of us, you are the least likely to crumble into a hopeless heap of helplessness.
But mostly I spend my days in gratitude - that God would bring me a "you." I remember the day I realized with astonishment that He had somehow heard the unspoken cries of my little heart and made a man that had so many of the unbelievable qualities I not only wanted, but needed. I think of the dark days when I had no hope and no desire to cope - how you were there, even in your own pain, making sure I took one step, and then another - forcing me to speak truths I could not see or believe.
I find myself all at once torn between the desire for the whole world to see how amazing you are, and wanting to hide your brilliance for myself alone. I treasure you in my heart - the mystery of this love that my Love would grant me. That of all the things He has given me - I would get you as well. Amazing. Confounding.
We celebrate the years, but I rejoice in the moments. It is one more day, one more kiss, one more glance, one more laugh, one more tear, one more smile, one more struggle with you. Each of them is an undeserved gift and a beautiful blessing.
I love you,
Tam
There are days when it feels like you have been mine forever - moments when I forget you were not there the day I learned to ride a bike or lost my first tooth.
And there are days when I try to imagine the possibility of life without you if - God forbid - something were to take you from me. Then I quickly pray God will call me first because, of the two of us, you are the least likely to crumble into a hopeless heap of helplessness.
But mostly I spend my days in gratitude - that God would bring me a "you." I remember the day I realized with astonishment that He had somehow heard the unspoken cries of my little heart and made a man that had so many of the unbelievable qualities I not only wanted, but needed. I think of the dark days when I had no hope and no desire to cope - how you were there, even in your own pain, making sure I took one step, and then another - forcing me to speak truths I could not see or believe.
I find myself all at once torn between the desire for the whole world to see how amazing you are, and wanting to hide your brilliance for myself alone. I treasure you in my heart - the mystery of this love that my Love would grant me. That of all the things He has given me - I would get you as well. Amazing. Confounding.
We celebrate the years, but I rejoice in the moments. It is one more day, one more kiss, one more glance, one more laugh, one more tear, one more smile, one more struggle with you. Each of them is an undeserved gift and a beautiful blessing.
I love you,
Tam
Monday, November 28, 2011
8 years
Dear Daxton,
Well, your birthday was Thursday and so was Thanksgiving. Ha ha. So Mommy's a few days behind getting this written. Happy 8th birthday Mr. To be honest, I'm in slight denial. Despite the fact that the top of your head now measures mid-shoulder for me... I think I'll continue to say you are 7.
In my heart, I wish I could just bounce back and forth between years and seasons of your life. Every wiser mother warned me and I knew, "It just goes so fast." But I cannot stop it. And I don't want to stop you. Just freeze moments every now and again.
You are so amazing! Watching you become is... indescribable. You have my "gift" for speaking truth - and you mean no offense whatsoever! It makes me laugh to realize how my parents must have held their breath when I opened my mouth.
You have your dad's innovative mind: you're always building new contraptions or inventing an "easier" way to accomplish a task. I might just steal some of your ideas and write a book! I'll bank the profits for your college fund - though you're SURE you don't want to go.
Your brothers think you can do ANYthing! You don't even realize what a leader you are. :)
I try to imagine what you'll look like as you grow - who you will be. I hope you always have that light in your eyes - your try. You were born for greatness my love. I pray as you walk in the Spirit, you will continue to embrace it.
I'm excited to watch and see.
Love you so,
Mommy (for at least a couple more years hopefully ;)
Well, your birthday was Thursday and so was Thanksgiving. Ha ha. So Mommy's a few days behind getting this written. Happy 8th birthday Mr. To be honest, I'm in slight denial. Despite the fact that the top of your head now measures mid-shoulder for me... I think I'll continue to say you are 7.
In my heart, I wish I could just bounce back and forth between years and seasons of your life. Every wiser mother warned me and I knew, "It just goes so fast." But I cannot stop it. And I don't want to stop you. Just freeze moments every now and again.
You are so amazing! Watching you become is... indescribable. You have my "gift" for speaking truth - and you mean no offense whatsoever! It makes me laugh to realize how my parents must have held their breath when I opened my mouth.
You have your dad's innovative mind: you're always building new contraptions or inventing an "easier" way to accomplish a task. I might just steal some of your ideas and write a book! I'll bank the profits for your college fund - though you're SURE you don't want to go.
Your brothers think you can do ANYthing! You don't even realize what a leader you are. :)
I try to imagine what you'll look like as you grow - who you will be. I hope you always have that light in your eyes - your try. You were born for greatness my love. I pray as you walk in the Spirit, you will continue to embrace it.
I'm excited to watch and see.
Love you so,
Mommy (for at least a couple more years hopefully ;)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Best Surprises!!!
Dear, sweet Dezdin,
It was 5:45 a.m., three years ago today that you woke me up with a vengeance. Your daddy said, "Maybe we should call the hospital." I responded, "You may call them if you like. I will be in the car. It's time."
You have always been our sweet and sudden surprise. We were surprised to find out we would be having you, surprised by how quickly you arrived, surprised at how HUGE you were (10 lbs 11 ounces). Though, as much processed sugar and flour as mommy had been eating, I really should have been prepared.
For the last several weeks as I have talked to you about turning three, you have insisted, "I'm not three, I'm two," your sweet little voice ringing with persistence as you hold up your pointer and middle fingers.
I'm so excited to celebrate your life today - a gift we had not expected or dreamed of. A gift that has been a constant reminder of God's love for us. You are our quiet, gleaming star. A quiet twinkle in the eye of our life. Independent and content; present and full of shining life.
I hope today is full of surprises for your little heart. We love you more than you can fathom. You continue to be the best surprise!
With all my heart,
Mommy
P.S. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us enough to give us what we never would have known we needed. You are beautiful and we are overwhelmed!
It was 5:45 a.m., three years ago today that you woke me up with a vengeance. Your daddy said, "Maybe we should call the hospital." I responded, "You may call them if you like. I will be in the car. It's time."
You have always been our sweet and sudden surprise. We were surprised to find out we would be having you, surprised by how quickly you arrived, surprised at how HUGE you were (10 lbs 11 ounces). Though, as much processed sugar and flour as mommy had been eating, I really should have been prepared.
For the last several weeks as I have talked to you about turning three, you have insisted, "I'm not three, I'm two," your sweet little voice ringing with persistence as you hold up your pointer and middle fingers.
I'm so excited to celebrate your life today - a gift we had not expected or dreamed of. A gift that has been a constant reminder of God's love for us. You are our quiet, gleaming star. A quiet twinkle in the eye of our life. Independent and content; present and full of shining life.
I hope today is full of surprises for your little heart. We love you more than you can fathom. You continue to be the best surprise!
With all my heart,
Mommy
P.S. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us enough to give us what we never would have known we needed. You are beautiful and we are overwhelmed!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
When the Path is Dim
Dear Love,
It seems to me, lately, that it's harder to find You. I know it is not that You're unavailable or silent. Your still, small voice rings unmistakably when I toil to stop and strain to hear.
I believe it is more that my eyes become misdirected. There is a line that weaves between walking in faith and resting in faith. Do I simply wait for You? What should I do while I wait? I dare not simply twiddle my thumbs vainly. Hope is dying. Love is fading. Hearts lose courage and trip over roots of bitterness on the path to surrender. There is too much at stake to simply lie in wait. And You say I must believe that You reward me when I earnestly seek You. So I know to be still truly means to be in a motion of another kind. Chasing Your peace, pursuing Your rest.
Oh, I love You. And there are moments - when I take away the lie of this world's sufficiency - and see clearly that there is nothing secure in this life. Houses burn; governments fail; currencies change; jobs end; relationships wane; life is but a vapor. In those seconds where I sit completely secure in the insecurity of it all, I feel Your heart most clearly. I understand the tears You shed. I see what You see, and Your love truly is better than life.
But there is much to be done - and sometimes the doing leaves You in the dim... when we step in our own understanding and your heartbeat fades. Amazing how one misstep leads to a completely errant path... So, I'm asking You... keep me near You... Whether I turn to the right or to the left let my ears hear Your voice behind me saying, "This is the way. Walk in it." Cause me to listen. Allow me to hear. Hold me closer.
I love you,
Tam
It seems to me, lately, that it's harder to find You. I know it is not that You're unavailable or silent. Your still, small voice rings unmistakably when I toil to stop and strain to hear.
I believe it is more that my eyes become misdirected. There is a line that weaves between walking in faith and resting in faith. Do I simply wait for You? What should I do while I wait? I dare not simply twiddle my thumbs vainly. Hope is dying. Love is fading. Hearts lose courage and trip over roots of bitterness on the path to surrender. There is too much at stake to simply lie in wait. And You say I must believe that You reward me when I earnestly seek You. So I know to be still truly means to be in a motion of another kind. Chasing Your peace, pursuing Your rest.
Oh, I love You. And there are moments - when I take away the lie of this world's sufficiency - and see clearly that there is nothing secure in this life. Houses burn; governments fail; currencies change; jobs end; relationships wane; life is but a vapor. In those seconds where I sit completely secure in the insecurity of it all, I feel Your heart most clearly. I understand the tears You shed. I see what You see, and Your love truly is better than life.
But there is much to be done - and sometimes the doing leaves You in the dim... when we step in our own understanding and your heartbeat fades. Amazing how one misstep leads to a completely errant path... So, I'm asking You... keep me near You... Whether I turn to the right or to the left let my ears hear Your voice behind me saying, "This is the way. Walk in it." Cause me to listen. Allow me to hear. Hold me closer.
I love you,
Tam
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