Taking the Bad with the Good

A few mornings past I woke to the beauty of falling snow... and the SCREAMING of my 17-month-old. Talk about an inner conflict. Have you ever tried to meditate on beauty and peace while someone shrieking in the background? It's a real "Zen" exercise - if I believed in all that.

That is the essence of the Taylor world these days... choosing joy in the midst of chaos. :) Our friends told us 3 was "critical mass" (yes that is a direct quote), but, as with having your first child, there's really no understanding until you've experienced it. And I write this laughingly, because you have to laugh. 

~The joy of Christmas music wafts over the tornado fallout that is my kitchen, and dining room, AND living room...

~The excitement of leaving the house overpowers the incessant wailing of my infant who hates his car seat, as did his brothers before him. (I'd buy a new one, but at this point?...)

~PBS kids buys me time to feed the baby without fearing the older ones will end up broken or bloody, and yet places their long term behavior in question.

It's a lot more like juggling now. And I'm laughing because I've always been PATHETIC at juggling. :) Dusty's really good at it (what is he NOT good at?). 

Still, as the snow fell again last night, I found myself in the Winco parking lot singing, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" loudly enough for people to notice. :) In it all, there is an underlying peace - a confidence in the One who has redeemed me - that He sees it all and will give me/us the tools we need to endure and navigate the tough moments :) And, yes, I know those of you with 4plus or who've had twins are laughing at me and shaking your heads :) And then there's that lady who is expecting her 18th? OMword!

 

"Third Times a Charm"

***WARNING!!!*** This blog contains info about labor and/or delivery. :) Feel free to skip if you think you'll have a TMI reaction.

I really wondered if he'd ever come. All 3 of our boys have been "late," but I was SO huge with this one, it stopped being blissful at about 30 weeks :).

We had set an appointment to induce Monday, November 17th. Due to expense and other factors, though, a troupe of friends and I were praying we'd "go" on our own. Dusty and his team (LOL) were also praying we wouldn't "go" on Saturday, being as every meeting is a milestone for our very young church plant.

Well, he decided to show up in PERFECT timing... trying to make everyone happy, sweet boy.

Contractions started at 5:38 Sunday morning. By contraction #4 we had gone from 7 minutes apart to 2! 

"Dusty, it's time to go."

"Should we call the hospital?"

"You can, but I'm going regardless of what they say."

So, we called them on the way :). It's funny how quickly the tone changes from "assessment" to "business" once they find out this ISN'T your first.

Upstairs, went like this:

"Umm, we need to move her to delivery."

"She's not finished admitting yet."

"Well, she's at an 8-9, we'll have to finish the process there."

I've never wanted to be mean or rude or yell at my husband during this time, so I always pray God will give me an extra measure of grace. It's funny how you can want to put your head through a wall one minute, and feel so completely euphoric, even humorous the second the pain's gone. Given as the contractions were every 2 minutes, I felt a little like Jekyll and Hyde.

Still, God gave me grace. I did really want to break my husband's thumb... not to hurt him, per se, breaking something just seemed like it would help. Dusty disagreed :)

The doctor on call wanted to break the water. But Nancy (SUPER NURSE EXTRAORDINAIRE) literally stepped in front of him and said, "Let's wait for her intrathecal." Gotta love Nancy. If you don't know, an intrathecal is a shot they administer similar to the epidural, but it only lasts for a couple hours. Being as we were so close to delivery and an epidural takes 30 minutes or so to set up, Nancy thought it wise to go this route. AND, I think it's probably less expensive too... did I mention we LOVE Nancy? So, George gave me my shot and the pain went away almost immediately. LOVE George too. 

Just then my real doctor got there - LOVE her too. They broke the water, we pushed for "less than 20 minutes" Dusty says. And our 3rd little man was born!

He was 10 lbs 11 oz. - none of us believed it. The nurse even reset the scale to be sure :)

He was 23 inches long. That's the biggest baby on my side of the family. Dusty still holds the record on his side, having been 11 lbs 25 inches! :) And I gladly leave that trophy in his mother's very worthy hands. I'm pretty sure she did it withOUT pain meds too. CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE!

They also told us, our new baby had a KNOT in his cord. They all seemed surprised and not many had seen one. I guess it means he moved around a lot - enough to swim through his own cord at some point. 

So, in less than 3 hours we went from a family of 4 to a family of 5! What a blessing. Dusty and I marveled at how tired we WEREN'T that first day. So many prayers were answered, so many details worked out. And I wonder why I ever question, why I ever fear. This is definitely one of those "ebenezer" moments in my life. "Look what God did here."

Most of you know this little man was a surprise for us. One that I often questioned God on - not the precious life, but the timing. And his birth alone has already begun the answer... not that we deserve one... but in accordance, we named him Dezdin Nathaniel. Dezdin is our concoction of a masculine form of "destiny" and Nathaniel means "given of God." All our children, to me, have held a purpose and message from God. Dezdin was completely God's idea... so I'm especially excited to see what other surprises God unfolds through him. Thank you for all your prayers. They were answered. We are very blessed.

Waiting!!!

Pics from Halloween.

Yah. We were a ref and a basketball. Gotta get creative with a belly like this!

My friend Lisa borrowed us her little guy's costume from last year. Draes was SO cute. Dax wanted to be an astronaut, but we just couldn't find all the stuff. So we bought a really cool pirate sword, and luckily he's so skinny, he still fit his costume from 2 years ago! Way to be flexible, bud!

Sorry - more Drae - just SO DARN CUTE!

They say we spend a good chunk of our lives doing it...  in line, at the gas pump, in traffic. Some of us plan our entire day based on the desire to AVOID waiting.

Everyone I know is waiting for something right now: the house to get finished, that job to come through, the paycheck to show up, the economy to change.

Me? I'm waiting for this KID to show up! :) Don't get me wrong... I know it won't get easier AFTER the baby arrives. I'm just starting to fear the permanent damage done to my overextended nerves and tissue if we go much longer. (I know, ever the drama queen.) 

It gets frustrating. We tend to "cop" attitudes. "Don't you know I have more important things to do than WAIT here for you?" But the other day I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the fact that we often KNOW God has a plan in things, but it's difficult to WAIT for it to be revealed. And she said this, "[I'm] discovering that it really isn't about me understanding; it's really just about being obedient." "SO GOOD!" I thought, even though I still want my way :).

But it's true. How often do I as a parent make my child wait? Do I give him candy, or that toy or movie, or a Mt. Dew, or a trip to McDonalds, or ice cream just because he WANTS it? (OK, once in awhile when it's been that kind of day) Not usually. Most of the time he needs to wait, indefinitely. Why? Because I can see down the road 15 years (or when I look in the mirror) the thousands of dollars spent on tooth decay, or the unstable financial future based in instant gratification.  

So why do WE have to wait? Once in awhile it's about someone else's negligence, and that can be properly addressed. But, isn't it true we often learn the most in the waiting, if we will press into it? After talking with my friend I started thinking along that line and seeing all the beauty of these precious days... waiting.

1. More time to focus on my baby, Draes (16 months) - who's about to NOT be the baby and will probably have a REALLY tough time in that transition. I'm getting to love on him and tell him what a treasure he is to me. That he will always be my baby - even if not THE baby.

2. Helping out my husband - who's doing the toughest, most rewarding job ever. I can't do it all now, but I can do some, and that will halt when Jr. shows up.

3. Sleeping well... oh alright not really "well" but more than I will be for the next few months! :)

4. Draes managed to incur 2nd degree burns (hands/gas fireplace), nearly crack his head on the tile floor, AND get the "throw up sickies" all within a week's time. Not something so easily handled with a brand new infant on your hands!

There are so many little things that make this a precious time of preparation, in my heart, my mind. Life will NEVER be this way again! So, while I'm uncomfortable (and genuinely afraid I could split at the seams) I'm reveling in this time - taking mental snapshots. Waiting, if we'll let it, can be such a precious time of rest and trusting God - who knows SO much more than we do - including the PERFECT time at which to reveal what He was thinking all along. 

Yesterday Draes crawled up in the chair next to me and just sat. No request, no agenda. He just wanted to be present with me. It was precious and bittersweet (sorry, hormonal mom thing).

The timing of this baby has never seemed logical, and for that reason I believe it will be all the more indicative of God and His power and presence. The anticipation of that, and the beauty of the reality He's already placed me in brings a joy and a peace. It's been a time to just crawl up next to God and be present with Him. No purpose other than to just "be." 

I don't know what you're waiting on. But maybe time is standing still because God wants you to "just be" with Him. Perhaps He knows that once this change comes, things will never be the same again. Maybe he wants to remind you of His love before the world starts running like crazy again. I don't know, but I pray you find joy in your waiting. :)

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

Happy Autumn!

Welcome, my favorite season of the year! I've always loved fall. I like the crisp, cold air - how fresh it makes everything feel. I like to cozy up in sweaters and fleece and light fires or drink tea. Things seem to calm down, get reflective. I'm pretty deep and analytical...ok diseasedly so. (Yes, I just made up the word "diseasedly".) So, colder days seem to create the perfect environment for my mind. The trees are BEAUTIFUL!!!! I can't believe all the shades of deep crimson and pumpkin and gold. Oh how I've missed the seasons! 

There's something, too, about dressing the boys in jeans and long sleeves. They're like fuzzy teddy bears. Though they don't necessarily add to the "calm" aura of the season :) They're more like the frolicking wind. Hee hee. But they still add to the joy, and it's fun to experience it anew with them. Dusty loves cloudy days, so when they roll in, we all just bask in the feel of harvest time.

All is moving along. Connections has started meeting in a facility, which is fun. We're still meeting and connecting with new people all the time. New friends! ALWAYS fun! We're getting closer to baby number 3. And while I do have apprehension (i.e. watching supernanny, weeping and thinking, "HOW am I going to mother THREE KIDS?"), I'm also excited to hold a tiny one again and be finished with the "incubation" stage.

It's funny autumn is so inspiring to me, as it's actually a prelude to death, in a sense. All of nature puts on her most beautiful gown and dances into sleep. Freezing under winter. In a way, I suppose it's symbolic to me of a time to shed old things. To cherish them for the beauty of what they were, then lay them to rest, knowing after the winter, new life will come forth (I like spring too :)). Seasons are such a reminder that in life, things never remain constant. There is always new to come, if we're willing to see and embrace it. 

We pray you are finding days of peace this season... even with all the chaos in our society right now - God is sovereign. May you find moments to be thankful for what you do have, especially ones you love. :) Happy Autumn from the Taylors :)

Pride and Joy

I know, you're not suppose to brag on your own kids. Why? Cuz everybody else wants to brag on theirs. I know, I know. So I'll make you a deal... You start a blog and brag on your kids ALL you want - and I'll do the same. Deal? Wait. Already did. 

A person's pride and joy can refer to about anything. Mine happens to be my kids. The pride comes in those moments when they shine: using the manners you've drilled, ad nauseam, or they perform some selfless act, completely of their own volition.

This week, Dax has been a gem. He's pushed his brother on the swing, lovingly instructed him, helped me unload the dishwasher... and the other day at Target, he was helping me load the bags into the car. An older woman walking by said, "Wow! You really have a great helper there!" I agreed and thanked her. I was SO proud. He's four! He could have been demanding candy or running in the parking lot (both of which he has at times), but in that moment, he was doing what we're raising him to do - and I was proud of him, proud FOR him. 

The joy comes, I think, in those moments when they not only make the "not best" choice, but a choice you'd never have DREAMED of. You have to laugh, to snap your mental camera, or you'll cry, or something worse. 

A friend came to see us today. The boys were NUTS; I sent them upstairs to play so we could have an "adult" conversation. It got eerily quiet, but I ignored my instincts and thought, "Oh Dax is up there, he won't let Draes do anything serious." (Usually he's instant with the "HELP Mommy, Draes is..."). About 10 minutes later Dax materialized in front of me, "Look, Mommy," he beamed, and produced from his shirt sleeve a little hand, covered ENTIRELY in GREEN marker. Mustering my most encouraging mommy-ness, I said. "Oh honey, that's very creative, but we don't really draw on our hands. You need to go wash in the bathroom until that's all clean." "Ok, he smiled." And was gone. About 2 minutes later, Dusty came down with Draes. "Look what I have," he baited. I looked up to see my 15-month-old PAINTED! Yes! Dots, squiggles, green, purple - all over his face! 

No big deal, truthfully, because some wonderful person invented washable markers, so, we're good. The clothes, the skin, the floor... it'll all clean up. In that instant, I could not help but laugh in joy at the mental image of Dax, oh-so-quietly decorating his brother. He must have been giddy! Can you fathom the wonder in the heart and mind of a child? Yes, we talked about how it's not wise to paint our brother, but it felt SO good not to take it too seriously. 

There are days they push my buttons so fully, that once they're in bed, I can only muster energy to sit and stare into space :) (and yes, 3 may turn my brain to COMPLETE mush), but far outweighing those times  are the moments of pride, when they bless me by putting others first and the moments of joy that come from their giddy, wild imperfection and the creativity it pours into my... sometimes-too-neat perspective. 

I know God gave them to us to raise, yet I can't help but feel He uses them to raise me a little bit too.

A baby and a box of animal crackers...

Happy with his crackers...

Daddy? Will you open this one?

Who knows what drives the mind of a 14-month-old? Could be instinct or actual need, desire to emulate... but in this case, I think it was merely "because I can."

I had bought a box of animal crackers at Sam's - you know the huge supply, with the individual bags? A busy mom's dream, right? And I placed them on the bottom shelf of the pantry. I guess at that point in my experience I was yet underestimating Draes's LOVE for food, especially of the "carb kind."

As soon as he discovered what they were, AND that he could get them all by himself, my dream became one of those annoying loops you can't escape. Draes would bring me a bag and say "euh?" (his sweet version of please). But sweet went out the window when, once the bag was opened, he would run to the pantry for another. And if you were a dope and tried to explain to him that he already had an opened bag, his heart broke in front of you and he sobbed as he tried to make clear his request. OBVIOUSLY, you hadn't understood him correctly.

Boy I'm glad that box is now empty! But the experience left me with a spiritual insight, especially in this time of our country's financial struggle. How often do I come to God with my "bag of animal crackers" begging Him to give me what I ask? And, when He does provide, do I show my gratitude and find joy in what He's given me? Or do I sprint back to the "pantry" and fretfully bring Him my next "need," weeping hysterically if/when He doesn't immediately comply?

I've begun to ask myself that question too... what is "need"? Two weeks ago there was a fire in the field very near our house. The police evacuated the subdivision behind us; so, as my infant lay sleeping, I threw together a bag of necessities just in case the wind continued to shift and they couldn't control blaze. It was sobering as I watched the fire and saw families standing, embracing one another outside their homes. If we were to lose our house, what would we NEED? What holds greatest importance? 

What about the families in Galveston and other parts of Texas who have lost everything? What is "need" to them? Are they grieving because they can't afford that new car, or have to cut their grocery budget? Or are they simply glad to be alive and hoping they have enough food and clothing to cover their families?

I'm not making any statements, just asking lots of questions, and allowing my perspective to change... funny isn't it? What you can learn from a baby and a box of animal crackers?

Some new pics...

See that look of pride! :) He climbs on whatever he can.  We took the bottom rung off the ladder after this. Skull fracture? None for me, thanks! BOY is he mad at us!

Draes brought me his brother's shirt, which he wanted to put on. Then he brought his own pj pants, but he already had shorts on, so we put them on his head. It was reminiscent of Jar Jar Binks... only cuter :)

Such a great Dad!