Last week I had a great conversation with a friend about an ongoing issue. Most women I talk to seem to want the same thing: deeper relationship, richer relationship, more relationship. I hear it from so many, "I just need stronger connections," or "I'm looking for deeper friendship," or "I need more encouragement in my life." Based on my conversations, the problem feels chronic.
Here is the oddity... You would think that since so many of us want these amazing friendships, we would be forming bonds left and right. In reality, though, it isn't happening. It's almost as if we (as women) are walking around in a barren field - all together - all blindfolded. Our arms reach out desperately for a connection, a touch, but we miss one another by inches, centimeters. What is to blame for this problem? What are the blindfolds that cause us to slip past each other?
"Busy-ness" is one. We have marriages or relationships, children, work and projects - all have the power to hold us relationally captive at any given point. They're all great reasons to be busy! Still, they can cause friendship to go by the wayside.
A second blindfold can be "good intentions" a.k.a. commitment or follow-through. Another friend shared this wisdom a few weeks ago, "I've learned when people say, 'We should get together sometime,' what they're really saying is, 'I think you're neat.' " HA HA. Too true. We really mean well, but then busy-ness comes along or (my personal condition) forgetfulness. If one or both parties don't persist in making plans (lol. I'm now imagining two blind-folded women playing Marco Polo in the field), the connection isn't made.
Past hurts can be a third blinder. I've been hurt deeply - sometimes by friends - sometimes by people who should have been trustworthy. On any given day, I don't feel I have much to offer, nor am I so arrogant as to believe someone is sitting around waiting for me to reach out to them. My hurts have kept me from reaching, at times. They have, at other times, made me feel unreachable.
A fourth can be chemistry - we don't have the same hobbies, or we have different gifts. But as Jesus followers we're called to surpass all that so I don't give it much merit. Maybe that's just me.
So what do we DO? If we're hurting and lonely? If we want more connection, deeper relationship?
1. We have to KEEP TRYING. We have to be intentional about getting "unbusy" enough - even if it's just once a month - to make a connection with someone. And rather than just saying, "Let's get together," schedule a time within the next two weeks of that encounter. Once I began doing that, my follow through increased exponentially. It was in my calendar (on my phone) so forgetting wasn't an issue.
2. BE A GOOD FRIEND. My mom always said, "If you want to have good friends, you have to be a good friend." She used to tell us that if no one was reaching out to us, we should find the loneliest person in the room and reach out to them. My sisters and I have all made lifelong friends using that wisdom. The truth is, if we belong to Jesus, HE is CONSTANTLY wanting to use us to be His heart in the lives of others - inside and outside the Body. When I think about Him and all He did to draw near to me, I can step out of my fear and my hurts to extend a loving hand.
3. DON'T GIVE UP! I believe more and more as I continue in ministry that satan has a systematic goal to keep women apart. Think about it. When you see women loving one another well, it's a powerful force. We bind up wounds, we make meals, we paint walls, we provide for needs, we nurture, we share chocolate and coffee :), we laugh until we cry or have accidents of a less discuss-able nature. Why do most people go home to mom when they are sick? We were made to be life-givers and heart healers. We often trade that birthright for other, less-eternal things. Don't give up on women. There's a powerful blessing to be had when we take off our masks and love one another.
4. TODAY. Rip off your blind fold. Find the nearest woman. Put your arms around her. Ask her how she is. Say "thank you" to a woman who has helped you. Encourage some girl you admire. CELEBRATE the beauty of a woman, ESPECIALLY if it's not external! :) And turn silent cries into audible calls.
I've loved (and still do) some amazing girls in my life. Some sucked the life out of me. Some breathed the breath of God into my spirit. Some take all I have to give. Some take me as I am. But each has touched me in an irreplaceable way and showed me more of the heart of God. To the girls who have seen me through (and I think you know who you are) THANK YOU!!! To those I have touched in any small way, please pay it forward by loving on another girl you know. We all want it. We all need it. Let's take off our blindfolds and make it happen.
Related Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Romans 13:8-12; James 5:13-18; Proverbs 18:24
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