Wrestling to Rest: mommy heart

I won't give it a label. Because right now it's not what's important. Suffice it to say, it's this season's struggle for him. My oldest baby. My little man. My buddy.

School.

He's bright - even "brilliant" my counselor friend says. It's that aptitude that keeps him buoyed academically. The other obstacles pull at his ankles as we do our best to toss life preservers and call out swimming strategies.

We could just pull him out of the water. But we know that is not the best option. Not for him. Not this season.

And every day my heart screams. And some well-meaning person says, "Op! His nose dipped under." And I think, "Yes, I know. And if he stays under I'll dive in after him, but right now he's still fighting."

And every day I pray. And some days there are glimpses of hope. A strategy here and there that brings success. And other days there is the teasing. The tears. The look in his eye - the frustration in his voice. The anxiety that exacerbates it all.

The other week I sent him, again, into what often feels like the lion's den. And I cried and begged YHWH to please protect him, please shield him, please help him to thrive.

Then my Still, Small Voice whispered, "Beloved. How many times have you prayed - even before he was born - that I would raise him up to be a great man of God? How can that be accomplished if he never has anything to overcome?"

So I writhe in the arms of my Love. I stay my enabling hand. Aiding, but not rescuing - though every fiber of my existence wars against me. Because greater than my frail, fixing love for this prince is the love of the One who created and died for him. Because he is already precious and amazing - but overcoming these waves will make him great. And because he has a Savior who can teach him how to walk on water.

Jesus, help me wrestle to rest.

Job 9:5-8 It is God who removes the mountains, they know not how,
         When He overturns them in His anger;

Who shakes the earth out of its place,
         And its pillars tremble;

Who commands the sun not to shine,
         And sets a seal upon the stars;

Who alone stretches out the heavens
         And tramples down the waves of the sea;